We complain about service a lot. We roll our eyes when the receptionist looks unsure, we lose patience when the waiter forgets something, and we wonder why the butler didn’t anticipate what seemed so obvious.

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But every time I hear someone say, "Why can’t staff deliver excellence?” I always think to myself: How can they deliver something they’ve never experienced?

This is the uncomfortable truth we rarely acknowledge. Many of the people serving us have never been on the receiving end of the service we expect.

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For countless staff, hospitality is their very first job. They arrive eager, hopeful, and willing, but with little exposure to the world they must now create for others. They learned theory in school, yes, but theory isn’t experience. And yet, from their first day, they are asked to serve guests who have travelled widely, stayed in fine hotels, dined in top restaurants, and accumulated years of understanding about what "good service” should feel like.

Is it really fair?

I have trained receptionists, waiters, butlers, porters and guest service agents who quietly confess something that explains far more than we realize:

"I have never stayed in a hotel like the one I work in.”

"I’ve never been to a restaurant like this.”

"I’ve never flown.”

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Some live in staff quarters on the property, near luxury, but never inside it. They clean rooms they have never slept in. They serve meals they’ve never tasted. They create itineraries they could never afford. They prepare experiences they have never personally lived.

This is why I tell leaders: your staff need their Cinderella moment. Let them experience, even once what it feels like to be the guest. Let them check in. Let them be served a meal. Let them experience the warmth, efficiency, and anticipation they are expected to deliver – because it is almost impossible to create magic you have never felt.

Recently, Dr. Marcus Mohlin shared a reflection with me that captured this perfectly. He said, "Be kind to service staff, and give them the benefit of the doubt because many of them work in a sector from which they have no personal experience as customers.”

He later added, "Going to school to learn it in theory is one thing, but if they have never been the paying customer, it must be difficult to understand that perspective.”

He is right. This is not a competence issue; it is an exposure gap. And that gap is bigger than we think.

Rwanda has beautiful cultural strengths: humility, politeness, respect, discretion, and calmness. These qualities shine in hospitality. They bring a sense of peace and safety the guests admire deeply. But the same strengths can become challenges in service environments that require initiative, confidence, and expressive warmth. Many staff hesitate to ask questions, especially to authority. Small talk isn’t natural, so engaging a guest feels intimidating. Proactive behaviour can feel culturally risky, "What if I overstep?” And interpreting emotions becomes difficult when you’ve never been taught what subtle customer cues mean.

This isn’t reluctance. It’s unfamiliarity. The emotional language of hospitality is not something most people grew up with.

Once, a trainee shared a story: a tomato sauce bottle exploded on a guest. The team gasped and covered their mouths in shock. The guest, however, felt judged or stared at, not helped. This reminded me of a similar moment when my son fell in a supermarket. People gasped, stared, whispered... but no one helped. In those moments, it’s not pity you need, it’s action. The staff in training were not incompetent; they simply misread the moment because they had never been taught the emotional cues of service recovery.

These are not service failures. They are exposure failures, the system failing to prepare its people.

We expect frontline staff to reflect warmth, empathy, confidence, and anticipation. But people can only reflect what they have been given. Staff mirror the leadership they observe, the culture they are trained in, the tools and exposure they receive, and the emotional behaviour modelled to them.

Before we criticise their performance, we must ask: did we actually prepare them for excellence?

Most of the time, service failures don’t come from laziness or attitude. They come from lack of exposure (never seen excellence), lack of empathy training (don’t know what cues to read), lack of communication confidence (cultural hesitancy), lack of empowerment (fear of making mistakes), and lack of internal coordination (systems failing around them). We blame the frontline, but the frontline is only the final link in a long chain.

If we want world-class service, we must first create world-class learning environments, where staff see excellence, feel it, practice it, and internalize it.

This is especially important now, as Rwanda positions itself as a destination for global events, sports tourism, investment, and high-end hospitality. The world’s expectations are rising. So must our investment in people, not just systems, buildings, and branding.

Our national ambition cannot rely on staff who are doing their best in the dark. Exposure, mentorship, and emotional modelling must become part of the service DNA. We cannot demand excellence from people who have never seen it. We must show them first, because the truth is simple and undeniable: you cannot serve an experience you have never experienced.

And when we bridge that gap, through exposure, compassion, and empowerment, everything changes: staff confidence, guest satisfaction, repeat business, and Rwanda’s global reputation.

So, here’s the real question for every leader, owner, manager, and trainer: are you demanding excellence, or are you developing it?

The author is a certified hospitality trainer and founder of Outstanding Solutions Afrika, a boutique hospitality and tourism consulting firm dedicated to transforming service excellence.