As Rwanda continues to observe 16 days of activism against Gender-Based Violence (GBV), one of the least talked about issues is violence targeting men and boys, which some say has been forgotten as the focus is mainly on women.

When a conversation around GBV comes up, the focus is mostly put on women- who disproportionately face it compared to their male counterparts, but experts say GBV undermines the health, dignity, security and autonomy of victims, despite their gender or age.

Forms of GBV include physical, sexual, verbal, emotional and psychological abuse, threats, coercion and economic or educational deprivation, whether it is occurring in public or private life.

In most African countries, Rwanda inclusive, the subject of GBV targeting men remains shrouded in silence, many men preferring not to talk about it even with their partners because they will be mocked. This happens even more when the perpetrator is a woman.

"I used to be beaten by my wife but I could not talk to anybody about it. She was of a bigger stature and capitalized on that whenever we had a disagreement, to physically assault me,” says Jean Andre Munyabugingo, a male survivor of GBV.

It is a subject that draws in a lot of debate, especially on social media. Whenever a video of a man being dragged around by a woman in a fight, social media laughs and such videos will most likely go viral.

On the other hand, a video of a man abusing a woman will elicit anger and condemnation, which is why understandably many will hear ‘women’ when GBV is mentioned.

In Rwandan culture, men are mocked and made fun of when beaten by a woman, which means that many men will suffer quietly without saying a thing.

This is what the spokesperson of Rwanda Investigation Bureau (RIB), Thierry Murangira says, stating that the statistics of men who report cases of being subjected to GBV remain very low because most cases go unreported.

"We don’t receive many cases of men reporting GBV cases as seen in the records at Isange One-Stop Centre but that is not to say there are no cases of GBV against men. Men do get abused.

"One of the reasons we believe is because men shy away from reporting such cases because the society will judge or stereotype them, which is why numbers are very low. The perception is that GBV only applies to women. There is a need for a mind-set change around this issue,” Murangira said.

He pointed out that all forms of GBV must be reported, whether it is against women or men because violence of any form is an abuse regardless of the gender.

Murangira said that the most common GBV cases against men registered are categorized as physical, sexual, moral and economical in nature, where women torment their partners in different ways.

"Our advice is to encourage people to report these cases before they escalate into something else. Isange One-Stop Centre is open for everyone regardless of gender,” he said, urging everyone who experiences GBV to report without dwelling much on what the society thinks.

Despite that, Murangira says that with increased awareness, more people are coming out to report GBV cases rather than keeping quiet or covering it up. He pointed out that it is the only way all forms of violence can be eliminated.

Hassan Kibirango, a senior pastor at the Nyarutarama-based Christian Life Assembly (CLA), who also conducts classes training men to be more responsible, agrees that GBV against men is something that needs to be discussed openly.

"Gender-based violence against men is both real and deeply hurtful to men. Many men have suffered mostly emotional and verbal abuse from their spouses but choose to silently endure it because the believability of men being violated in our society is almost non-existent.

"As the men’s pastor at our church, I have counselled with some men who have suffered such abuses from their spouses and have gathered the courage to seek help. Unfortunately, many men choose not to seek help,” he says.

Men call for attention

Some men have taken it upon themselves to push for equal rights for men and women, dwelling on men’s rights, arguing that in the journey to attain full women emancipation and equality of all genders, the plight of men is forgotten.

It is a conversation that often draws ridicule when men argue that men’s rights have to be paid attention to, even as the world strives to ensure that women enjoy their full rights as men do, even when many think that such a debate only deflects from the real issues to be addressed.

Pelly Prudence Iraguha, a gender equality activist, mainly dwelling on the issues of men, argues that as the world focuses on women, there is a high chance that issues faced by men and boys, no matter how few they are, are likely to be forgotten.

"It is true the way our society is set, women have for many years suffered abuses mainly ingrained in cultural practices but that doesn’t take away the fact that men too suffer from GBV.

"Men suffer from physical, sexual and psychological abuse but as they say in Kinyarwanda, the tears of a man flow internally, meaning that most of them will not raise it because they will be called ‘cowards’ or ‘dogs’,”

"We have had many cases, some on record where women beat up men or abuse them and when men report, the guns are turned on them and get accused of being the source of the conflict, instead of helping them,” Iraguha says.

A deep-seated issue

Fidèle Rutayisire, the founder and executive director of the Rwanda Men's Resource Center (RWAMREC), said that gender norms in society lead to the assumption that men are the ones responsible to make decisions for the household and beyond.

"They are expected to act in predetermined ways to support the existence of the family and to be accountable for the upkeep of the family as both a provider and a protector.

"Little is known about what it's like to be a man in modern-day Rwandan society, how gender norms and expectations have evolved, how the history of the country has affected men, and how they've been impacted by the widespread dissolution of families, loss of spouses, and protracted separation from kids,” Rutayisire says.

Nonetheless, he says the effects of violence against men and boys must not be ignored, even if women and girls are more vulnerable to many forms of gender-based violence due to their higher vulnerability and marginalization.

"Widespread and systematic gender-based violence has targeted men and boys. GBV that mostly affects men typically involves killings, torture, threats of death, severe humiliation, and coercion to join militias,” Rutayisire says, explaining how deep-seated the issue is.

He points out that rape and other sexual assaults against women and girls have been imposed upon men and boys, who have also been compelled to witness such acts.

"Even among themselves, men find it difficult to comprehend and combat the severe social and psychological effects of loss and grief,” he says.

Rutayisire further argues that due to the socially assigned position given to men, men and boys are frequently perceived as prospective warriors and fighters in conflicts - and hence a threat to the other side.

"Similar to sexual violence against women and girls, targeted killings of men and boys because of their gendered roles should be recognized as a type of gender-based violence.

"For instance, research with Rwandan genocide survivors revealed that while women are more likely to willingly request aid, they believe their male relatives need it more. Due to a culture that places a premium on masculinity, however, the men must be targeted in a different way,” he says.

Women speak out

Women do agree that men too suffer GBV, though they also argue that it can’t be on the same scale as it is for women, but all in all, it must be addressed, one way or another.

"Yes, violence against men exists. We have heard testimonies and read official reports, so it’s real. Though the numbers are smaller compared to women’s cases, it shouldn’t be disregarded because it’s about human rights,” argues Communication Specialist and activist Pamela Mudakikwa.

Mudakikwa, who runs social media campaigns on family life and women rights says that it is hard to know the scale at which GBV against men happens, pointing out that out of negative social norms or egos, men don’t report the cases, fearing to be laughed at.

However, without dismissing the challenges men face, Mudakikwa says that the issue is mostly raised to dismiss or compare the challenges which women face, which in a way is diversionary.

"I don’t like it when people try to divert the conversation around the issue of GBV against women with the ‘how about men?’ argument. Each issue is particular and needs particular actions.

"Bringing up the issues of men when we are talking about issues women are faced with is being diversionary and dismissive,” Mudakikwa argues.

Chantal Umuhoza, a Pan-Africanist and feminist activist says that the definition of GBV recognizes that violence can be against any gender though the scale differentiates how the two genders suffer from it.

"Contrary to violence against women, violence against men, though it happens, is rarely entirely based on their gender. Violence against men is also inflicted by fellow men based on power dynamics and as a weapon of demeaning masculinity.

"In any patriarchal society, GBV is associated with femininity which is perceived to be a weakness. We still need to recognize all factors that lead to violence against men and equally fight against it,” Umuhoza argues.

That said, Umuhoza says that men need to be more aware that reporting violence against them isn't weakness but that any violence is a violation of one's rights.