Four young men sat around a table at a popular Kigali eatery on a Saturday evening. They had arrived together, ordered food and drinks, then almost immediately retreated into their phones. One watched a film through headphones. Another played an online game. A third scrolled through social media, while the fourth appeared to be checking betting websites. They barely spoke. When their drinks arrived, they sipped while keeping their eyes fixed on their screens. When the food came, they picked up chips with one hand and continued scrolling with the other. ALSO READ: Mental health: Understanding risks of social media addiction, finding balance Nearby, a family celebrating a child's birthday offered a similar picture. Phones briefly came out together to capture the cake-cutting, before everyone's attention quickly shifted back to their screens. The scene reflects a growing reality. Smartphones have transformed how people communicate, work and entertain themselves. But as digital devices become increasingly central to daily life, experts are asking an important question: Are people still controlling technology, or is technology beginning to control them? For Alice Kagina, founder of Evertide Unplug, the answer lies in helping people intentionally disconnect. Kagina says she started the initiative after noticing what she describes as a contradiction of modern life. While technology has made people more connected than ever, many are becoming disconnected from themselves and those physically around them. There is a constant pressure to reach for our phones, even when there's nothing to respond to. Most of the time, we don't realise how much this has affected our relationships with others or even with ourselves, she says. According to Kagina, people are increasingly losing the ability to simply sit quietly, reflect or be fully present in the moment. ALSO READ: Rwanda considers restricting social media use for children under 16 She stresses that the solution is not to reject technology. Rwanda is investing heavily in digital transformation and artificial intelligence, making technology an essential part of the country's future. Instead, she argues, society needs to cultivate healthier digital habits while embracing innovation. We need to foster a culture that balances technological advancement with maintaining what makes us human, so that we harness the benefits of AI while keeping our cognitive functions intact, she says. To encourage that balance, Evertide Unplug organises regular digital detox sessions where participants voluntarily hand over their phones for several hours. They spend the time engaging in conversations, networking, reading, meditation and other offline activities designed to help them reconnect with themselves and others. For many participants, the first few hours are the hardest. Some worry about missing important messages. Others simply wonder how they will fill the time without constantly checking notifications. But the discomfort rarely lasts. Many people come unsure of what will happen or how they will handle hours away from their phones. Once they immerse themselves in the experience, they are able to spend up to six hours without feeling anxious, Kagina says. ALSO READ: Digital childhood, diminished focus: A threat to human capital Most leave feeling refreshed and eager to return, she adds. The greatest challenge, according to Kagina, is that many people, particularly young people, have forgotten how to spend time without their phones. Sitting quietly with one's thoughts or engaging in face-to-face conversations can initially feel uncomfortable, but those feelings usually fade as people settle into the experience. The struggle to disconnect is one that 23-year-old ICT student Hamza Nkurunziza understands well. He says there was a time when social media dominated his life to the point that he struggled to sleep or concentrate on his studies. The thing with social media is that you can create a personality that isn't really you. You find yourself managing different accounts across several platforms, and before you know it, you're spending all your time trying to keep up, he says. At one point, Nkurunziza even created several online identities, including AI-generated profiles that attracted large followings. Maintaining those accounts gradually became a full-time responsibility. The more followers he gained, the more pressure he felt to remain constantly active online. Looking back, he says the experience became exhausting and left little room for real life. ALSO READ: When social media turns love into a battle While his case may seem extreme, experts say many people follow similar habits, even if less intensely. Checking a phone immediately after waking up, scrolling while eating, reaching for it during conversations and looking at notifications before going to bed have become routine for millions of people. Counselling psychologist Leocadia Kabibi says expecting people to abandon social media altogether is unrealistic. Almost everyone is hooked in one way or another. However, we need to slowly unhook ourselves so that we can reconnect with our own thoughts, feelings and inner voices, she says. Kabibi describes social media as a double-edged sword. It provides opportunities for learning, communication and personal growth, but excessive or uncritical use can also contribute to distraction, anxiety and unhealthy comparisons. ALSO READ: Know about internet addiction She notes that people are constantly exposed to carefully curated versions of other people's lives, making it easy to believe everyone else is more successful, happier or progressing faster. Such comparisons, she says, can gradually affect self-esteem and overall mental wellbeing. Developing healthy boundaries is therefore essential. It allows us to become more aware of our thoughts, make intentional choices and live according to our own values rather than being controlled by external influences, she says. A digital detox, however, does not mean abandoning technology altogether. People still rely on their phones for work, communication, navigation and emergencies. The objective is simply to create deliberate moments away from constant notifications and endless scrolling. For some, that may involve turning off notifications or deleting social media apps for a while. For others, it could mean setting aside a few hours each day to remain offline. The initial silence may feel uncomfortable, but it also creates space for activities that have gradually been pushed aside—reading, exercising, taking a walk, cooking, visiting friends or simply sitting quietly without distraction. ALSO READ: Are you a social media addict? Here’s why you should consider a detox As Rwanda continues embracing digital technologies and artificial intelligence, experts argue that developing healthy digital habits will become increasingly important. Technology is likely to play an even bigger role in education, business and everyday life. But maintaining meaningful relationships, mental wellbeing and the ability to be fully present will require conscious effort. The four young men at the Kigali restaurant were not necessarily addicted to their phones, nor were they unhappy. Technology has become an integral part of modern social life. The real question is whether people are choosing when to use their devices—or whether their devices are increasingly deciding how they spend their time. For Kagina, reclaiming that choice starts with something simple: putting the phone down, even briefly, and rediscovering the value of being present.
