In Rwanda, gender-based violence (GBV) remains a deeply entrenched social problem, often hidden behind closed doors, cultural norms, and family secrecy. GBV, which is considered a serious human rights violation, continues to challenge the resilience, cohesion, and emotional wellbeing of many families across Rwanda, but most of what is happening cannot be seen by the naked eye. Though Rwanda has made notable progress in building legal frameworks and support systems, from the Rwanda Investigation Bureau (RIB) to the National Child Development Authority (NCDA) and the Isange One Stop Centre, the prevalence of GBV and its evolving nature remains a challenge. Survivors frequently struggle in silence, grappling with trauma that can span decades, while the mechanisms of justice and psychological support are still catching up. Many of those going through it look good on the outside. To better understand the experiences of both survivors and perpetrators, as part of 16 Days of Activism against GBV, The New Times spoke with Annette Janviere Nshutinzima, a clinical psychologist at Kigali Psycho-Medical Centre (KPMC), who works extensively with adolescents, adults, and couples facing emotional and psychological challenges, including cases of abuse and domestic violence. According to Nshutinzima, GBV remains a major challenge for the country because the roots of abuse are often multilayered, hidden, and entwined with childhood experiences, cultural conditioning, intergenerational trauma, economic pressures, and unrecognised emotional struggles. ALSO READ: Unmasking the silent pain of gender-based violence These are rarely addressed systematically, leaving survivors and perpetrators trapped in cycles that can repeat over years. Her daily line of work has shown her how deeply entrenched the issue is. “We encounter people every day whose behaviours, thoughts, and emotional responses are shaped long before the acts of abuse we see,” Nshutinzima says. “Many of the perpetrators we meet were themselves victims, or they grew up in households where violence and emotional suppression were considered normal. It is rarely a simple case of a ‘bad character’. There is always context, and often multiple causes,” she says. Understanding the early roots of abuse Nshutinzima stresses that childhood experiences and family dynamics are among the earliest influences on abusive behaviour. “If a boy grows up in a home where his father hits or humiliates his mother, he learns to normalise those actions,” she says. “He sees aggression and control as legitimate ways to resolve conflict or assert authority. Conversely, a girl in that same household may learn that silence, endurance, or submission is her only option. These lessons are absorbed unconsciously but influence adult relationships profoundly,” Nshutinzima adds. ALSO READ: Where and how to seek help in case of gender-based violence She provides a vivid example: “Sometimes you hear someone say, ‘I hit my wife but provided for her, paid school fees, and the house is covered, so there is no problem.’ They genuinely believe their behaviour is normal because that is how they were raised” “Their moral compass has been shaped by a combination of family culture, religious teachings, and social norms that tell them what is acceptable,” she explains further. For many families, cultural expectations still place obedience and submission above individual wellbeing, as Nshutinzima explains. “There are families where a woman is told not to speak in front of men or discouraged from asserting herself. The man grows up thinking it is his right to control, sometimes through harm, because that is what he observed in his own home. Silence in the home is misread as agreement, and conflict is often internalised instead of being confronted,” explains Nshutinzima. Beyond the visible: Emotional, verbal, and psychological abuse One critical point Nshutinzima makes is that GBV is often narrowly understood. “Many people assume it is only physical, sexual, or male-on-female. That is far from the whole picture. Abuse can be emotional, verbal, psychological, and even financial,” “Women can abuse men, and anyone can harm anyone else depending on the situation. I have seen survivors of years of manipulation and verbal degradation who only later realise that what they endured was abuse,” she says. ALSO READ: Rwanda moves to combat tech-facilitated GBV She recalls clients who say, “He never hit me, so it is not serious,” even though the psychological damage has been ongoing. “Words can hurt, control can hurt, the denial of rights can hurt. When people dismiss these harms, they continue in silence and often do not seek help until the trauma is severe.” Intergenerational trauma and Rwanda’s historical context Rwanda’s history, especially the 1994 Genocide against the Tutsi, still casts a long shadow over families and communities. Nshutinzima explains that some perpetrators and survivors come from families deeply affected by past atrocities. Trauma is not erased by time; it can manifest in emotional dysregulation, impaired judgement, and behavioural patterns that appear in domestic or interpersonal conflicts decades later. “We see individuals who cannot manage anger, fear, or anxiety because of early trauma. These are not excuses for abusive behaviour, but they are critical to understand when addressing it,” says Nshutinzima. “If someone was exposed to violence as a child, or if their parents experienced the genocide, they may respond impulsively to situations without even realising they are repeating harmful patterns.” Nshutinzima also notes that trauma can be passed through observation, environment, or even unacknowledged behaviours in households. “A child who watches adults suppress feelings or acts violently without repercussion may internalise that as normal. Later, they replicate what they saw, often unconsciously, believing it is acceptable.” Economic pressures and financial triggers Poverty and financial insecurity often exacerbate violent tendencies. “We have cases where minor disagreements over a very small amount of money, sometimes just Rwf1,000, escalate into verbal or physical violence,” Nshutinzima explains. “People under economic pressure may react impulsively, particularly if they were raised in households where violence, was a norm. Poverty does not cause abuse on its own, but it intensifies frustration and reduces patience.” She further notes that financial control is often used as a method of abuse. Restricting a partner’s access to money, employment, or resources can maintain dominance and restrict independence, perpetuating cycles of psychological harm. Youth, substances, and modern pressures KPMC has observed a growing trend of abuse among adolescents and young adults, often linked to substance use and social pressures. “Many young people experiment with alcohol, cannabis, and other drugs,” Nshutinzima says. “Substances impair judgment and heighten aggression, which can result in abuse among peers or in relationships. Youth may not even fully comprehend the consequences of their actions.” ALSO READ: Alcoholism, absence of family time threaten stability of Rwandan families Social media also adds a new dimension. “We see situations where someone manipulates or harasses another online to gain views or attention, or to make money. The harm can be psychological and reputational, but it is still a form of abuse.” She emphasises that vulnerable youth often come from households where parents are absent or overwhelmed, leaving gaps in guidance and supervision. Peer influence fills that void, sometimes negatively. The hidden psychology of perpetrators Perpetrators are not always immediately recognisable. “Many perpetrators appear calm, respectful, or even charming. Their harmful behaviour may be covert or arise from unresolved trauma. They may not even see themselves as abusive,” Nshutinzima explains. She highlights the importance of structured psychological interventions. Counselling can provide immediate relief or support, but psychotherapy addresses the root causes over time. “Through ongoing therapy, perpetrators can understand triggers, regulate emotions, and develop empathy. It does not excuse their behaviour but reduces the risk of repeat abuse.” Silence and delayed reporting by survivors Many survivors delay seeking help due to fear, shame, or cultural expectations. “We often hear, ‘I was abused at sixteen, now I am thirty-five, the law was not strong then.’ Others fear family reprisal or stigma. Some do not even know support exists. Silence allows trauma to fester.” ALSO READ: How to address, overcome the impact of gender-based violence At KPMC, initial sessions focus on stabilisation. “We listen first. Survivors are often anxious, confused, or ashamed. Our first goal is to create safety and trust. Only then can we explore next steps, whether legal, familial, or therapeutic.” Therapeutic interventions and family support If the abuser is within the household, therapy may involve family or couples counselling. Nshutinzima stresses that this is done only after thorough safety assessments. “We aim to address conflict constructively, help the survivor regain control, and work with the perpetrator where possible. Rehabilitation, particularly for young or first-time offenders, is about prevention, not justification.” KPMC also runs group therapy programs for adolescents and adults struggling with substance use or behavioural issues. “In these settings, individuals learn to recognise the consequences of their actions, manage impulses, and reflect on underlying trauma. Group work helps them understand the broader impact of abuse on peers and society.” Legal pathways and institutional collaboration Rwanda has built strong institutions for GBV response. RIB investigates criminal acts, NCDA addresses child protection, and the Isange One Stop Centre integrates medical, legal, and psychological support. Nshutinzima underscores that these systems are most effective when survivors also receive mental health care. “Justice addresses the act itself, but psychological support heals the person,” she says. “Without both, cycles of abuse persist. We aim to ensure survivors are safe, informed, and supported while perpetrators are held accountable.” Children and vulnerable populations Children are among the most vulnerable, especially when abuse is hidden. “A child may be abused in a household that is not their own, and fear prevents them from speaking.” “Silence increases the risk of long-term mental and physical health problems. We advise children and guardians to approach centres like Isange One Stop, which provide protection, counselling, and legal guidance,” Nshutinzima explains. She stresses that early intervention can prevent lifelong trauma and reduce the likelihood of victims becoming perpetrators themselves. Education, awareness, and cultural transformation Preventing GBV requires community education, challenging harmful norms, and teaching emotional literacy. “People must understand that abuse is not only physical. Words, actions, control, and silence can harm. Parents, teachers, religious leaders, and authorities must actively discourage behaviour that perpetuates violence.” Healing, prevention, and societal responsibility Nshutinzima’s work underscores that GBV is not solely a legal or social problem, it is a psychological one. Addressing it requires confronting personal histories, family dynamics, cultural norms, and trauma with honesty, professional guidance, and empathy. “When we help survivors heal, we prevent future violence. When we engage perpetrators with the right tools, we interrupt cycles of abuse. Rwanda has made progress legally and institutionally, but the deeper work, understanding the human experience behind GBV, is where real change happens. Healing minds and hearts is as important as enforcing justice.” ALSO READ: Beyond 16 Days of Activism: Sustaining the fight against gender-based violence in Rwanda By centring survivors’ experiences, addressing perpetrators’ hidden vulnerabilities, and integrating psychological, legal, and social interventions, Rwanda can begin to break the patterns that have long kept abuse hidden, giving hope for safer families and communities across the country. How KPMC is filling the gap Established as a leading mental health facility in Rwanda, KPMC provides comprehensive psychological services, including individual therapy, couples and family counselling, addiction support, and specialised trauma care. The centre prioritises evidence-based interventions, combining therapeutic practices with cultural sensitivity to serve a diverse patient population. By addressing both the psychological roots of violence and its social manifestations, KPMC plays a crucial role in the national effort to combat gender-based violence and support mental well-being. It fills a much-needed gap in a society where seeking psychotherapy services is culturally seen as weakness and carries stigma.
