In a series of videos, popular social media comedian Nzovu talks about how he is often assaulted by his concubine, 'Mama Queen,' due to several disagreements the two have in their dramatic lives, which are often documented on social media. The couple regularly appears in YouTube interviews, with Nzovu, who is of short stature, recounting incidents where Mama Queen beat him up over trivial matters. The woman, in turn, justifies her actions. On many occasions, the situation comes off as funny, given how Nzovu recounts his ordeal. Many of the comments include laughing emojis, with the interviewer and other participants also laughing at Nzovu’s plight. In contrast, Mama Queen appears to be a tall and strong woman, her size dwarfing Nzovu, making it clear that he stands no chance against an aggressive Mama Queen, who does not deny the accusations but rather explains why she beat him. Whether they are acting or not, Nzovu’s situation sheds light on an unspoken challenge that many men face in their relationships. However, when it comes to Gender-Based Violence (GBV), the focus is usually on women, and the issue of men experiencing the same problem rarely comes up. ALSO READ: Gender based violence against men: A silent crisis While GBV against men may not be the most significant challenge countries face, statistics show that globally, GBV targeting men is on the rise for a number of reasons. These include women feeling empowered to confront men or simply fighting back, especially when they themselves are also victims of GBV. Several studies done last year in Europe and other parts of the world, including countries in Africa where conflict is prevalent, reveal that out of 1,000 males, 51.5 per cent admit to having experienced violence at the hands of their wives or intimate partners at least once in their lifetime. Of those, 10.5 per cent said the GBV they experienced was recent (within the last 12 months), with the most common form being spousal violence, where 51.6 per cent was emotional violence and 6 percent was physical violence. Of course, these numbers are small compared to the scale at which women and girls are subjected to GBV. Especially considering that one-tenth of reported physical assaults were severe, this does not mean the issue should be dismissed. The fact remains that most men do not report when they are experiencing GBV. In Rwanda, a man who is beaten by a woman or even dominated by his wife is often considered a weakling and a laughing stock, which discourages most men from reporting. A silent crisis Boniface Nkunzingoma, a resident of Kigarama in Kicukiro district, is one man who endured physical violence at the hands of his wife for 10 years. It was not until the abuse became unbearable that he walked out of the marriage and sought counseling. “Many times, she would attack me, and I would not retaliate because I did not want to engage in violence. But when it got to a point where she poured hot water on me, I thought I had had enough and decided to end it,” says Nkunzingoma, who approached a local NGO for help. Nkunzingoma admits that his wife was physically stronger than him and was the main breadwinner, which made him powerless whenever a disagreement arose. “Most times, she would accuse me of different things, including seeing other women, and my attempts to address her insecurities would generate outbursts of anger followed by physical violence,” he says. Walking out of the toxic marriage was one of the most difficult decisions he made, but it involved moving to a distant place to avoid being hounded by his aggressive wife, who was further enraged by his departure. Although there are no recent statistics to show how prevalent the issue is in Rwanda, a publication by the Ministry of Gender and Family Promotion (MIGEPROF) indicates that, while not as widespread as GBV against women, violence against men does exist in Rwanda. “Male victims should not be ignored,” it states, adding that society must be concerned and ready to address this issue as it is preventable, just like violence against women.” Fidele Rutayisire, founder and executive director of the Rwanda Men's Resource Center (RWAMREC), an NGO that engages men as allies to promote gender equality through positive masculinity, affirms that GBV against men is a reality in Rwanda, but it is not often recognised. “Yes, men in Rwanda do experience GBV, but it is an underreported and less recognised issue. Research conducted by RWAMREC in Kicukiro and Huye districts revealed that men are victims of physical, emotional, economic, and sexual violence, though community perceptions often do not acknowledge this reality,” Rutayisire told The New Times. He added that the organisation provides counseling to 4 to 10 men per week who are victims of GBV, but little is said about these incidents, which should be treated like any other form of GBV. “Despite the legal framework protecting all citizens against GBV, there is a common belief that GBV laws and services are mainly designed to protect women, making it difficult for male victims to seek help,” Rutayisire said. What numbers say... According to the 2015-16 Violence Against Children and Youth Survey (VACYS), 11 per cent of boys had experienced sexual violence before age 18, compared to 23.9 per cent of girls. The same study found that 17 per cent of young men aged 18 to 24 reported experiencing emotional violence in childhood, compared to 12 per cent of young women. Similarly, the 2014-15 Rwanda Demographic and Health Survey (DHS) found that 14 percent of men reported experiencing physical violence in the past year, compared to 22 percent of women. Additionally, 5 per cent of men reported experiencing sexual violence, while 22 percent of women reported the same. Rutayisire points out that men are more likely to experience psychological and economic violence from intimate partners and family members, but due to cultural norms, these forms of abuse are not always recognised as GBV, making it harder for men to report or seek help. “Very few men report GBV due to social stigma and cultural expectations, including fearing being labeled as weak or incapable, or not being believed because GBV is commonly associated with women as victims and men as perpetrators,” he said. Rutayisire also observes that men often face significant barriers when seeking support because most GBV services in Rwanda, including Isange One Stop Centers, are designed with female victims in mind. “RWAMREC’s research found that even when men do report GBV, their cases are often not taken seriously. Most men choose to remain silent, with some preferring informal mediation through community leaders rather than formal legal action.” Cultural norms and gender equality Francine Havugimana, a gender equality advocate, argues that cultural norms associated with masculinity prevent men from reporting violence, as they are expected to be stronger and more resilient than women. While she acknowledges that the scale of male GBV is smaller than that experienced by women, she stresses that it does not mean it should be ignored. Havugimana explains that while women who engage in violence against their male partners may do so in retaliation for violence or emotional abuse initiated by the men, this does not excuse the abuse. “The number of women who beat their partners is very small compared to the number of men who beat their wives, but when it happens, men often keep quiet due to cultural beliefs and fear of judgment,” she says. She also stresses that all forms of violence should be condemned equally and encourages men to speak out, report, or seek help so that the cycle of violence can be broken. “There is no shame in reporting or speaking out, because that is the only way to resolve it.” A complex issue Over the years, the issue of GBV against men has been complex and contentious, especially in the era of social media, where those advocating for recognition of male victims are often criticised or labeled as detractors from the real issue of violence against women. Prudence Pelly Iraguha, an advocate for men's rights, often uses social media to raise awareness about the challenges men face in a world focused on women's rights. “The reality on the ground is that domestic violence is a pervasive issue affecting both men and women in Rwanda, yet the prevailing discourse centers on females as the primary victims,” says Iraguha, who has faced challenges as a men's rights activist. He calls for increased awareness of domestic violence against men and for campaigns aimed at creating a society that understands that domestic violence can affect anyone, regardless of gender. A psychologist's perspective Leocadia Nkusi Kabibi, a counseling psychologist, suggests several factors that may lead to women becoming violent toward men, including personal character, attitudes, and untreated trauma. “If a man marries a woman with a narcissistic personality disorder, violence will always be experienced by the male partner. A jealous woman will always erupt into verbal or physical violence,” she says. Other causes include infidelity, economic insecurity, and substance abuse, particularly alcohol, which can impair judgment and lead to aggressive behaviour, sometimes resulting in violence against men. Kabibi also points out that the stigma around male victims of violence needs to be addressed. She urges both men and women to challenge societal norms that define masculinity in terms of physical strength and resilience. Vulnerability, she says, should be accepted and not judged. ALSO READ: Embracing positive masculinity: Igniting a gender revolution in Rwanda Addressing existing gaps Rutayisire emphasises the need for interventions targeting service providers to address GBV against men. He calls for gender-transformative programmes that challenge harmful social norms and equip service providers to recognise and respond to male survivors with empathy and professionalism. ALSO READ: Engaging men to be ‘agents of change’ To effectively address GBV against men, there is a need for greater awareness, better support systems, and the full implementation of existing GBV policies that include and support male survivors, ensuring that they can access help without stigma or fear of ridicule.
