Relationships can be really tricky when the person you are in love with is playing hide-and-seek with your emotions and wasting your precious time. Without sounding biased, many females enter relationships when they have thought through it, but commitment remains a major challenge for men. The idea of having one steady partner remains alien to many. On the ‘streets’ or social media, Rwandan men are often called out for being indifferent to commitment or committing to many people at once. It is a tag that many can’t shake off. But how do you know someone is committed or simply wasting your time? Experts say the signs are always there. It is not rocket science. All you need to do is observe the trends below: Cagey on sharing family information: In Rwanda and most African cultures, a man is interested in you when he shares information about his family, or better still, introduces you to his family and relatives. While this could take a while to materialise, be wary if it takes forever. If he finds a reason not to go with you to family events, burials, weddings or anniversaries, he is probably keeping you away from his family. Confront him about it and you might just confirm what you suspected. Avoiding relationship talk: Most men who don’t want to commit dodge or brush off any conversations on the status of the relationship. It is a red flag when he constantly shuts down any attempt at defining the relationship or keeps postponing it. Experts say a person who intentionally avoids the relationship talk usually does so because they prefer the vagueness, or simply because they are not interested in a relationship. They are either interested in something casual or they are just not ready to settle down. Lack clarity on what they want in a relationship: Chances are you will do your best to try to talk about what’s going on between the two of you but he avoids offering any specifics about what he wants. He comes up with many excuses, ‘let’s see how it goes’, ‘I like taking things slow’ or ‘let us let nature determine the course of our relationship’. These are common excuses men throw around but they might be communicating something else. Most men don’t openly say that they are not interested in a relationship and will keep it going for other reasons, company, intimacy and others, but it doesn’t mean that they want to settle down. If you see such signs, it is up to you to make up your mind. Wants a secret relationship: This is one of the most obvious signs that a man is not committed to a relationship. If they want to keep it under wraps, are uncomfortable when you want to go public, it is already a bad sign. It doesn’t necessarily mean posting photos but some men will say ‘not even our friends should know about this’. What are you hiding? These types of men could even be married and hiding the fact from you. Be inquisitive if that is the case. Most of his previous relationships were short term: What other sign do you need to know that a man will not be committed to a relationship? Though a person’s relationship history isn’t always an indicator of what they want now or going forward, it is a good indication of what to expect. If all his past ‘relationships’ have also been undefined or short term and he’s being vague about his intentions with you, you could as well prepare for what is to come, unless you have some sort of magic that others didn’t have. Talking to other people: A man who doesn’t give you attention and constantly talks to other people in your presence, physically or on phone, is a man who is not ready to commit. You are simply not what they want or they are just shying away from committing to you. If a man loves you, they will make time for you, cut out other people and ‘the boys’ to focus on what the two of you are building. If that is not the case, he is not there. No long-term plans: A man who is committed discusses long term life plans with you. If he is not open to planning something with you a few months in advance, and he only ever talks about his future without any indication about whether he envisions you there with him, run. You are not in his plans.
