Genocide survivor Irma Ihumure on healing power of storytelling

The 30th Commemoration of the 1994 Genocide against the Tutsi is unique, not because it marks three decades after the horrific events in Rwanda, but more than ever, this year, survivors are sharing their stories extensively. From the women of Avega Agahozo publishing a book containing their survival stories, to thousands of social media users—including young people who were not there—posting photos of their loved ones who were killed in the Genocide, the Kwibuka30 hashtag has been more than just a ‘trend’. The testimonies shared were mostly unheard stories or unseen pictures—thanks to the power of social media. It has enabled people to share stories that might have otherwise remained untold. One of the people championing storytelling as a means of healing and acceptance is Irma Ihumure, who was barely three years old when the Genocide happened. She has embraced the approach to come to terms with the loss she suffered, and hopefully, fend off intergenerational trauma. Sharing her story Born in Huye, Southern Province in 1991 in a family of six children, Ihumure was three years old when her parents and her elder brother — who was the firstborn — were killed during the Genocide. Ihumure and four of her siblings were lucky to survive and were adopted by a close relative who took great care of them, educated them, and kept them together, till today. On April 10, this year, Ihumure shared a photo of her mother, who was killed on the same date in 1994, which attracted many responses, mainly from people who were comforting and consoling her for her loss. It is believed that April 10 was one of the darkest days and a peak day during the 1994 Genocide against the Tutsi, where men, women, and children were systematically slaughtered on a larger scale. ALSO READ: Kwibuka Timeline - April 10, 1994: Church sides with killers However, for Ihumure, it was more than just a picture of her deceased mother. She does not have many memories of her—that in itself weighs heavily on her. “The day I posted the picture of my mother on April 10 is the day she was killed. I got it from my sister and I have no memory of her whatsoever because I was just a baby. “We have very few pictures of her, and my father and my brother, because one thing that happened during the Genocide is that they would kill families and burn their pictures. They wanted to erase, completely, the people of that ethnic group,” she said. Helping others Much as she never got to know her mother, Ihumure said people who see her today say she looks a lot like her mother. “We have very few pictures of them, but I get a lot that I look like my mother. I have heard a few stories of her that I get to hear from my siblings or my family members but I have no memory of her at all,” she said. Ihumure, a life coach and entrepreneur, is committed to inspiring people to share their stories. Recently, she partnered with journalist and content creator Isabelle Masozera to create “Voices of Hope”, a platform where women Genocide survivors share their stories of resilience. As a Genocide survivor, Ihumure encounters people who ask how the events in April 1994, such as the murder of her parents, impacted her, despite being too young to have memories. “I think the Genocide affected each and everyone, especially survivors, and in my case, people ask me ‘You don't have any memory of your parents or your family members that you lost. Why do you think it has affected you yet you have no memory of them?” she said. For Ihumure, it can be difficult for others to grasp that mourning someone you never knew is possible, yet the bond remains strong as “you came out of her womb.” For example, “You will forever be connected to the woman who carried you for nine months, even if you never got to know her.” This form of grief, in her view, can be intense. “It affects you in a way. You grow up feeling different. You have issues or difficulties accepting yourself, embracing your identity,” she said, adding that in her case, she struggled for many years to accept the fact that she was an orphan. Ihumure said the same applies to survivors who were old enough to remember what happened because they have to live with those memories for the rest of their lives. “It’s a very deep wound. I believe you can navigate life positively, but the effects of the Genocide are very deep and this is something I want people to acknowledge and to talk about,” Ihumure said. Ihumure considers herself lucky and blessed to have been adopted by a family that provided a mother figure and other supportive individuals in her life — but as she grew, she increasingly thought about her biological parents. “I would think, what if my biological mother was here? What if my biological father was here? When it comes to my future family, the fact that I will have to respond to my children’s questions and tell them the history, is the part that hurts me,” she said, teary eyed. She hopes that by the time she has her own children, she will be strong enough to tell them what exactly happened. Healing Thirty years later, Ihumure has become more open about her story, and determined to give a platform to others to tell their stories. Today she believes she has a deep understanding of what happened and slowly she has been able to tell her story and heal in the process. “I have been on my healing journey for a while now actually. In 2019, I publicly shared my story for the first time.” But it was in 2013 that she began confronting and reflecting on herself. At the time, she had travelled outside Rwanda for university studies, and that’s when she started revisiting her past, embarking on her healing journey, and documenting it. “This year I feel like something clicked in me, told me to look around at all the people who were struggling to heal, some who haven’t faced their past and haven’t sat down to actually grieve and cry,” Ihumure said, adding that this is how they came up with the idea to create a platform. Through the platform, they hope to encourage people, especially women, to tell their stories so that they can start their healing journey. Ihumure has chosen to lead an impactful life by serving others, which is her biggest success — living a life that would make those she lost, especially her mum, proud. Through “Voices of Hope”, a 30-part series, Ihumure, and Masozera want to document 30 extraordinary stories of 30 women who survived the 1994 Genocide against the Tutsi. Many of these women are sharing their stories for the first time, revealing the unbelievable burdens they have carried. “For the majority of these women, it is their first time to tell their story in 30 years and if you listen to these stories, you may want to faint,” she said. Some of the women are speaking about the torture and dehumanisation they went through—including horrendous ordeals like being raped by groups of men—even when pregnant, and some, infecting them with HIV/AIDS. “These are heart-breaking stories, and when you ask them if they ever spoke about it before, they say ‘It’s the first time to share my story.’ Telling our stories is so important. “Everyone should find their voice,” she said, emphasising that the initial step towards healing is sharing one’s trauma, as it allows others to offer assistance and support. Ihumure said that as the country develops, it becomes increasingly important to recount these stories to prevent them from being forgotten. Additionally, there are individuals actively seeking to rewrite this history, and their voices are growing louder. Ihumure believes that narratives of Genocide denial should never overshadow the stories of those who truly experienced the horrific events of the Genocide, the effects of which people are still struggling. She urges women, who suffered the most from the cruelty of the genocidaires, to feel empowered to share their stories as a form of healing. “I would like to tell you that your story matters and your life matters. Do not be afraid that somebody’s going to judge you because of what you went through. “Those scars are part of you. You have to be willing to heal. We need to remove the stigma around mental health. We need to remove the stigma around healing from brokenness and whatever we went through,” Ihumure said. Ihumure pointed out that women and girls encounter various challenges, including abusive relationships and other difficulties that can leave them ‘damaged’. She advocates for women and girls to prioritise self-care, as a thriving society starts with the well-being of its women and girls.

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Genocide survivor Irma Ihumure on healing power of storytelling