Never, for the sanctuary of marriage Divorce should never be an option for any married couple because the consequences are usually traumatic, emotionally for the family in general. Divorce should be illegal for marriage to be considered sacred. If people start a marriage with no option for divorce, they will always find a way to solve their differences. I thought the whole essence of marriage is getting to learn your partner’s flaws and finding ways to accommodate them. I’m not supporting bad marriages but if we took time to analyze the reason for most divorces, we will find that somehow, something could have been done to save the marriage. The late Dr. Judith S. Wallerstein, renowned divorce researcher, put it right by saying that “Divorce is a life-transforming experience. After divorce, childhood is different. Adolescence is different. Adulthood with the decision to marry or not and have children or not is different. Whether the outcome is good or bad, the whole trajectory of an individual’s life is profoundly altered by the divorce experience.” I stand to discourage divorce, for the sake of the children. Divorce doesn’t only break couples but it entirely fractures the children’s wellbeing and stability for a lifetime. There is nothing as confusing for children as when their parents stay at different places. Children are usually caught up in the drama. At times one partner uses the children as a weapon to get to another. Divorce also leads to the high rate of single parenting and its related dangers to a child’s growth, like lack of family values. I wish divorce was illegal so as to get rid of opportunists, (people who marry others for material gains). This world has so many opportunists and they will stop at nothing, even if it means marrying someone they don’t love at all. And civil marriage in Rwanda gives chances to such people. For instance, someone gets married and after a month they are seeking divorce. When asked the reason, they argue irreconcilable differences. When you critically analyze the situation, you find that the person came into the marriage with nothing to their name but are walking away with someone else’s hard earned money. Based on Lisa Duffy’s publication “Escaping the dangers of the ‘divorce culture,” she stated that: “The culture of divorce poses itself as an oasis in the desert of pain and suffering, but in reality it is the ultimate mirage... actually, more like a huge pit of quicksand. There are well-meaning people who congratulate you on your divorce, thinking that type of encouragement helps you feel better and the issue of the pain is avoided altogether. That is the first mistake, thinking that avoiding the pain is the way to heal, when addressing the pain is the real place to start.” Divorce should be illegal so as not to give leeway to anyone who falls out of love with their partner just because they are infatuated with someone else. doreen.umutesi@newtimes.co.rw Everyone deserves to be happy While the statistics provoke alarm in the minds of many—from academics to politicians to religious leaders—I actually find that the concept of divorce can be quite liberating, especially if it can be done amicably. Divorce as a first option is bad, that is a fact. But which would you rather have: parents who are divorced, but happier, or parents who are married, but constantly scream at each other? Growing up in a household with two parents who don’t love each other, or downright hate each other, can’t be good for anyone. The way children are raised could affect how they behave in future, especially towards their spouses. The way parents act when they are at bad terms is not healthy in any way for children. Instead of making children act the way parents did, why not save them the trouble and call it quits legally. Psychological studies show that the more parents fight over anything, the more damaging the whole process is to the children’s growth. Sometimes, despite our best efforts or intentions, things simply do not work out. Making divorce illegal and keeping people stuck in non functional or dysfunctional relationships won’t make the couple work harder.It’ll just make sure they’re trapped in an abusive relationship with no escape. People get married for many different reasons. Much as it might be sincere for some, it isn’t exactly the same for others. Someone may not show their true colours until after getting married, many years into a relationship. People get married for money, for prestige, for power and the moment situations change; their true colours are out in the open. Would you want to spend the rest of your life on this earth with such a person? While marriage is often religious, times change and the definition of marriage is evolving with time. There is no reason to treat marriage as it was 100 years ago. I have a friend who gets on fantastically with her stepfather after her parents got divorced. Her grades in school were never good until her mother settled for divorce and later got remarried. Much as divorce seems like the best decision to make sometimes, it isn’t easy; one has to stop obsessing about the bad things that were done to them by their spouse during marriage and focus more on building a better future for the new family or already existing family. patrick.buchana@newtimes.co.
