On Friday last week, a video of a maid torturing a child went viral on social media. The public expressed outrage at the heart wrenching nature in which the 18-month old baby was tortured by a maid in Uganda. The gruesome video shows the maid, Jolly Tumuhiirwe, 22, forcefully using a spoon to feed the child. The child refuses to eat and the maid unleashes a heavy slap on the child forcing her to vomit. Like an enraged beast, the maid violently throws the child to the floor, steps on the child’s back before hitting her with a heavy object. The housemaid is completely unbothered by the child’s pain and crying as she carries her with one hand. The maid’s actions triggered memories of a one, Sylvestre Hora who waylaid 12-year-old Shalom Isimbi Uwase Bella (RIP) in April this year and brutally murdered her in cold blood at her family compound in Nyamirambo. Hora had worked as a maid for Bella’s family for twelve years before he was sacked for his unbecoming behaviour. However, before he left, Hora lay in wait as he prepared to leave a mark that would forever change Shalom’s family and leave parents wondering who to trust their children when away for work. The harrowing cases of child abuse by maids mentioned above are not isolated incidents, and the public has become quite used to reading such stories in the press. However, in light of these incidents, perhaps it’s time for the parents to start questioning the maid culture. Are all housemaids’ evil? How can you tell a good maid from a bad one? What type of person tortures a child or takes a little one’s precious life? As parents strive to make ends meet, they have literally surrendered the parenting role to housemaids but child experts have warned against leaving the fate of children to nannies. “Go through any social media or networking site, and you will find a helpless parent looking for a housemaid. It’s the same situation at any gathering of parents; somebody will either be talking about how to get a maid, or discussing the problems they have with the current maid,” says Beatrice Nyandwi, a mother of two. Nyandwi, a busy working mother is lucky her children are still safe; however, the same can’t be said of Mercy Kobugyeyo, whose son almost lost his hearing capacity at the hands of a brutal housemaid. “Oscar was two years old when we hired a maid. We got the maid through a friend. The 22-year-old maid came off as a nice girl, obedient and someone who could be trusted with a toddler,” Kobugyeyo explains. Kobugyeyo juggles between a full time job and a startup business while her husband is based in Nairobi and comes to Kigali once in two weeks. “We trusted the maid and Oscar seemed not to have problems until he started being moody and crying uncontrollably over nothing. I noticed that he also had hearing problems. I called a doctor who advised me to take my child to an Ear, Nose and Throat (ENT) specialist.” After a couple of tests, the doctor had bad news for Kobugyeyo. The child’s ear drum had been ruptured. “Our worst fears were confirmed that day; our child was being mistreated in our absence. By the time I got back home, the maid had disappeared, leaving behind her clothes.” Kobugyeyo’s ordeal with her maid is among the many stories that are told by parents every day. Many see maids as a necessary evil that will never be a substitute for motherly parenting. “Domestic helpers can never be a substitute for a parent. Working parents need to find time regardless of their schedules to spend quality time with their kids. Children ought to be smiling all the time, not being tormented by maids and relatives. When there’s nobody around to monitor the child’s interaction with the maid, the chances of the child emulating the maid’s queer habits and behaviour are high,” says Nywandi. A 2005 study published in the Journal of Childhood Research stated that 58 per cent of children under the age of three spend 30-70 hours a week with domestic helpers. Hala B. Roumani, Principle of the Gulf Montessori nurseries in Dubai and author of the 2005 study, said aside from the frightening possibility of endangering children’s safety, there are other detrimental effects of leaving children with maids. Parents who delegate childcare to untrained maids and nannies risk their children’s development at a crucial early age. The 2012 study written by Sumaiti, entitled Parental involvement in the education of their children raises the point that parents are essential for the “emotional, behavioural, physical and cognitive development and well-being of their children”. In their formative years, their minds and personalities are developing rapidly, and language skills could be hampered. But what is the alternative? The prospect of hiring a maid to look after your child might sound good, because it is a cheaper option. For many the option of a day care centre may be costly. Rosete, a mother of four in Remera, says although she would feel more comfortable taking her child to a day care centre, her household budget just doesn’t stretch that far. “I would love my child to be at a day care to avoid all the risks that come with maids, but I simply can’t afford it.” Day care centres are out of reach for most ordinary working parents as on average one could part with between Rwf150,000-Rwf200,000 per term. Parents should always create time for their children. Why do maids torture children? Psychologists say there are many factors that could drive maids into becoming monsters. Are maids naturally evil? Jane Gatete, a Professional counselor and President of the organization of professional counselors (ARCT – Ruhuka) does not agree. “No one is born evil, it all comes from somewhere. It is all in one’s background. she might have experienced physical, emotional or even sexual abuse in her childhood. Because after such experiences, she slowly develops anger inside her and that is the anger that a maid will unleash on child. Some people may argue that some parents mistreat the maids, yes that might be there but it is just a trigger not a cause. It is usually important to try and find out as much as possible about the maid, how she was raised, if she encountered any bad experiences, because anything that brings bad memories may cause the maid to revenge on the child,” Gatete tips. Francis, a father of three says that there’s no clear cut way of knowing that the maid you are hiring is good. “Whether it is through companies or relatives and friends, you can never predict that a maid will be good because it is human nature to change. However, I would like to urge parents to treat maids well because if you mistreat a maid, he/she can do something hurtful to your family. Make the maid feel part of the family and not an outsider,” he advises. Signs that a child is being mistreated According to Gatete, Children who are being mistreated never tell anyone. “ One thing to look for is signs but not just physical, but emotional and behavioral telltale changes in a child’s actions and attitudes. Some of these signs can show up at other stressful times in a child’s life. Gatete categorises the telltale signs into three categories, behaviour, attitude and activity. When there are sudden changes in a child’s behaviour, parents should get concerned. Signs in behavioural change may include: regressive behavior, acting up, running away from people and changes in eating patterns among others. For attitude changes, parents can look out for, changes in how children interact, if they are scared all the time, crying a lot, clinging to parents, being moody and withdrawn. All these are signs that a parent can use to tell if the child is experiencing mistreatment at the hands of the maid. Lastly, change in a child’s activities. If a child shows signs of extreme behavior like playing with sharp objects, lack of interest in previously enjoyed activities such as sports, clubs, or playing an instrument can all be indicators of a child who is being mistreated or abused.” Do abuses affect children? Counselor Gatete says that it all depends on how the parents deal with the child in the aftermath of the incident. “Usually, most children are abused when they are still young and can’t fully express themselves but when parents find out, they should quickly address the problem because that is the only way a child can become human again. I say to become human again because, when a person is traumatised, they do things that are out of the ordinary. A child might have difficulties in academic studies, aggressive behavior; alcohol and/or other drug abuse; anxiety and attention problems in adult life. If the parents don’t try to love and care for the child to take such bad memories away, the child may end up hating his/her parents more. It is hard for the child to understand why the parents would let someone hurt them.” Cases not reported to police According to Superintendent of Police, BelineMukamana, Family Protection Unit police rarely gets cases where a parent comes to report a maid who has mistreated a child. When a parent finds out that a maid is mistreating the child, they punish them themselves and later chase them away. “Actually, the cases we usually get are of maids who are impregnated by their employers and abandoned. The other cases we have are of maids who molest young boys but statistics of parents who report maids over physical torture of their children are rare.”
