Several male friends and acquaintances have come up to me mourning the loss of a time when women coveted marriage like the air we breathe. I can’t speak for other women but I know that there are certain types of men who are responsible for my aversion to a lifetime commitment. Let’s start with the ones who ‘babysit’ their own children. They think that it’s solely a woman’s job to feed the children, change them, reprimand them and soothe them. So on the one day when they hold their own child for more than five minutes they will post photos on social media shamelessly proclaiming that they are babysitting in a bid for applause. Later in life the same men will complain when children are closer to their mother. The second type of men who make marriage unattractive for me are those who think that they are the earth’s axis and the world revolves around them. They think that the women they marry shouldn’t have their own dreams. And if they do, then those dreams should take a back seat so that they are now cheerleaders and sidekicks. Then there are those who think that women fit in the same box and thus like the same things. So they don’t even take the time to understand who you are and what you want as an individual. You must like chocolate and flowers and grand gestures and social media love. And if you don’t like these things, they chastise you for it. “What kind of woman are you? You’re so strange!” There are men who are always dreaming big but never doing. They expect you to encourage them and boost their ego while they pursue one ambiguous dream after another. And while you do that, you’re not allowed to advise them because they are men so they know what they are doing. I don’t like to be in the same breathing space as men who think that every woman’s ultimate goal in life is to be Mrs someone. So as long as they show you that they want to give you their name you will be so over the moon that you will ignore their behaviour. That you will quit your job without thinking twice. Forget your friends. Lose your identity. And lately, the religious men make me run for the hills. This is mostly because I have found that they won’t take responsibility for their choices. The consequences of their choices are tests from God or temptation from the devil. So they don’t have to apologize or grow or change. Then there are slay kings. The ones who like to update the whole world about their latest vehicle acquisition, new job, house, land. Those slay kings who are obsessed with working out and keeping in shape bore me stiff. I would like to be able to blow up and lose weight without hearing complaints. To alternate between clear skin and an acne raided face in peace. To eat food at 1 am without judgment.
