Whenever there is a high profile wedding or even a success story, patriarchs dig out details about the woman. Usually, she is the ‘virtuous woman’ who stood by her man through thick and thin, gave important pieces of herself away, believed in him and gave and sacrificed while he just took. They use these details to castigate feminists. “You won’t find a man unless you strive to be like her.” And then Prince Harry marries Meghan Markle. Meghan Markle is a beautiful woman. She is smart, articulate, and confident. She uses her fame for activism. And yet, there are no patriarchs in sight to tell women to be like her if they are to be worth of a prince. They are silent. So what’s the problem? The problem is that Meghan Markle is older than Prince Harry. And until recently, she was a Hollywood actress who did kissing and nude scenes with other men. She is a divorcee. She is a loud feminist. She is anything but the traditional conservative quiet and submissive woman that the patriarchs have had us believe is the perfect description of a good wife for any successful man. If he had married a pauper who has never been to a major city or seen a car, they’d have told us that successful men want simple ‘innocent’ untouched women. They’d have told us ‘modern women’ to change our ways. They’d have told us; you see, you must humble yourself down and act like a princess in order to be worthy of a prince. But they are silent and feminists are using this chance to tell women to follow their dreams. To stay true to themselves. They are telling them that they don’t need to play mother, servant and sidekick to a grown man. They are telling women they don’t need to be virgins, they don’t need to cover up or shrink themselves in order to be worth of marriage. They are telling women that they should have the courage to leave bad relationships because the end of marriage is not shameful and it’s not the end. Usually with such posts there is backlash from patriarchs and misogynists telling women that they have ridiculous and unrealistic notions. But they are silent. I know that this is a temporary victory. I know that someday soon a successful man will come to tell us how he got so far by marrying the self-sacrificing woman who cooked all his meals, gave him her salary and give up her dreams so he could have his. And we’ll be back to the castigation of feminists who want equal partnerships with grown men. But for now, I will revel in this victory. I will hold my head up high and work Prince Harry’s choice of wife into as many conversations as I can. I will tell patriarchs that not every man is so insecure and egotistical that he wants a relationship with a person who will be an extended version of himself rather than a partner who is her own person.
