Everywhere Iturn, people shove the idea of marriage down my throat. My parents’ friends ask: “When is yours?” at every wedding. My grandmother asks me if I want her to die before seeing me achieve the ‘greatest thing in life’-getting married. Everyone who talks to me about marriage makes it sound like I am supposed to be unhappy, unsatisfied, and unsettled until someone claims me for their own. They won’t believe me when I tell them that I am uninspired and in no hurry to give up the single life unless it’s for something epic like a great love and a true companionship. They say I am living in denial. See, because people, especially women have been conditioned to be uncomfortable alone, they don’t get to enjoy singlehood. I could name countless things that are great about not being tethered to anyone but here’s a few. It’s freeing. You have the freedom to think only for yourself. You can make decisions that are best for you without being accused of selfishness. You can take any job you like, anywhere you like. You can up and move to Mars without worrying about the feelings of any other person. You can wake up at 2:00am on a Saturday morning craving slow cooked bacon and you can have it. You have a lot of control over your feelings. Love demands so much giving. You have to ask how the person is doing. Worry if they are not okay and be in silence and sorrow with them if that’s what they need. It’s freeing to have a space to feel what you want to, when you want to, without being accused of insensitivity. You’re accountable only to yourself. So you want to sink all your life savings into something that could possibly cause you financial ruin? You can do it and no one is going to be mad at you for it. You have so much ownership of your time. You can decide when to devote a full day’s length to that Chimamanda book you’ve been dying to start reading. You can switch off your phone, return calls and respond to messages at your own pace without hearing complaints, threats and ultimatums. You learn to be independent. You learn more about yourself. You learn more about who you are. What you want. Who you want to date. ‘Alone time’ is always possible. You can see people when you want to, and then retreat to your private space when you want to. No one is going to read too much into your need for space and keep you awake locked in an argument till 3:00am on a Tuesday night. You have no fear of being hurt because you’re not emotionally invested. Human love is a gamble at best because not everyone is well-intentioned. People lie, cheat, overreact and leave. But you can’t worry about being left if you’re already alone. Now tell me why I need to rush out of singlehood.
