Recently, a passing remark gave many parents pause: "Children in Kigali have become a nuisance because their parents have.” It was said casually, almost as a conclusion everyone was expected to accept without question. But before we nod in agreement, perhaps we should take a moment to look in the mirror.

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Because if our children truly reflect us — and they do — then the real conversation is not about them. It is about us.

When teenagers in Rwanda are given genuine space to speak, their conversations are not shallow. They are deeply reflective. They ask hard, searching questions: Twataye umuco? — Have we lost our culture? How do we honour tradition while living in a globalized world? What does success even mean today?

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These are not the questions of a nuisance generation. They are the questions of young people trying to find themselves — and looking to the adults around them for guidance.

Yet many of these same teenagers quietly admit something painful: that guidance is not always there. Some say their parents are too busy. Others say their parents simply do not know how to talk about the pressures they face — social media, identity, mental wellbeing, global influence. The conversations they need most are often the ones happening least at home.

That is worth sitting with honestly.

In Kigali’s fast-moving urban environment, parents are genuinely stretched. Careers, businesses, school fees, and daily survival demand enormous energy. Parents are providing — schools, tuition, devices, opportunities. But providing is not the same as being present, and being present is not the same as being equipped.

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There is real beauty in the values passed down across generations. The foundations that shaped us carry wisdom worth preserving. But a difficult question must be asked: are we trying to raise our children exactly as we were raised, in a world that no longer exists?

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The generational gap today is significant. Technology, global culture, and unprecedented access to information have transformed what childhood looks and feels like. A teenager in Kigali in 2026 lives simultaneously in Rwanda and in the world. Their influences extend far beyond the neighbourhood, and the internet shapes them daily — whether we engage with that reality or not.

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Research on parenting in rapidly urbanizing cities consistently reflects this tension. Children face increasing exposure to digital media, peer comparison, and performance pressure. Meanwhile, parents report feeling less confident navigating conversations about technology, identity, and emotional wellbeing. This is not a moral failure. It is a knowledge gap — and knowledge gaps can be closed.

Young people are hungry not only for answers but for conversation. They want adults who listen before they judge. They want guidance that honours culture while making sense of the world they actually inhabit. They are not asking us to abandon our values. They are asking us to help them apply those values to a reality we did not grow up in.

Some parents respond by tightening control. Others step back entirely, unsure how to engage. Neither approach works well. Children thrive where there is both warmth and structure — where they feel seen and supported at the same time.

If our children seem distracted, they may be overstimulated. If they seem defiant, they may be confused. If they seem disconnected, it is worth asking honestly whether we are too.

Stepping up as a parent today means more than providing.

It means understanding what is shaping our children — not just what shaped us. It means building digital literacy so we can guide rather than fear technology. It means creating space at home for real conversation and accepting that parenting in 2026 demands something new from us.

Our children reflect us. That is not an accusation — it is a wake-up call and an opportunity.

The future of Kigali will not be shaped only by policies and infrastructure. It will also be shaped by how honest and willing we are to grow alongside our children — starting at home.

Mutesi Gasana is a publisher, author, educationalist, and mother based in Kigali.