Dear Aunt Silvia

I am a middle aged woman and the maid of honour to my best friend’s wedding which will take place in a month’s time. I was very excited when we started the wedding preparation for my friend, only for me to fall in with the groom.  I later found out that the groom also fancies me and we went ahead and spent a night together.

Its hard even being in the same room with both of them and I can’t look at her in the eyes. My friend has started acting strange towards me and I have a feeling that she has heard a rumour about me and her groom, but she is waiting for me to confirm it to her.

Should I tell her or keep a secret?

Jacqui

Dear Jacqui,

This is a big monkey and it does not look nice. Sex has astounding effects on us and many times we lose ourselves to the pleasures of the moment only to think of the implications later.

The degree to which we lose ourselves seems to escalate especially when the sex is forbidden or stolen. In most cases we realise what we have done only after the wild monkey dance is over. Girls eat their nails off and pull their hair in different directions as they come to terms with possible facts like that they are pregnant or they have contracted HIV.

I wish there was much you could do now that you have helped yourself to your best friend’s goodies but unfortunately that cannot be undone.

I guess the big question lingering in your mind is "to tell or not to tell?” As of now, I can only advise you to keep your mouth shut. If you didn’t get caught then keep it that way.

The last thing a woman wants to know is that her groom is sampling her best friend’s goodies especially just days before the wedding. Don’t spoil a good thing by opening a Pandora box.

However, this may not be entirely up to you and you may need to consult your partner in crime. It is important that you reach consensus that she should never find out just in case he tries to play angel. If he intends to tell his bride– then you should do it together.

It will be difficult at first but you have to act normal and remove the guilty part. Discuss with the groom to make it clear that it was a mistake and that it should never happen again.

The risk of continued sexual relations is too high since you will always be in touch. Making a conscious decision never to let it happen again will help to reduce the guilt and will make things much easier between the two of you.

Some things are better left unsaid and even though you don’t expect a pat on the back once you tell her, it will be even much more difficult for her to continue having you as her best friend.

Every time she sets her eyes on you she will always remember that you were laid by her husband just days before the wedding and treat you as a traitor. She will always have her reservations about you.

The most important thing here is to agree that she is not to find out as well as agree that it should never happen again.

A piece of advice to remember; what goes around comes around, keep off your friends’ spouses or you might be a taster of your own medicine one day.

Ends