Last Sunday we celebrated Mother’s Day, which is always a good opportunity to look back and assess the role we play as mothers in the lives of our children.
Being a parent, specifically a mother, is no easy feat because our children look up to us. Whatever we do has a major influence on what they become.
In a recent article, Indian author and businesswoman, Sudha Murthy, argues that the best parenting we can give our children is by being the best version of ourselves.
Children look at parents as role models. How we behave or conduct ourselves before them shapes their behaviour. This essentially means that we do the right things before them and they pick these virtues from us.
As a successful businesswoman and philanthropist, Murthy says that parents often make a mistake of imposing rules or ideas on children, rather than giving them the independence of making the right choices, by simply doing the right things.
Below are some tips she gives to modern parents which if followed, their children can turn out well.
Understand that everyone dreams different
The biggest mistake parents make is to impose their dreams on their children, rather than letting them have their own dreams.
"Don’t put your dreams in your child’s mind, because every child is born with his or her own aspirations,” Murthy argues in the article.
A child is born with their own aspirations and hopes for the future, and as a parent, the best you can do is help them find their own ambitions, rather than saying ‘I want you to be a lawyer.’
Our youngest daughter Laura Tona who is in Grade 2 has shifted goal posts several times regarding what she wants to be in future, from being a medical doctor, to a vet and a musician, and many other professions, to the annoyance of her father.
Personally, I don’t read much into it because she just turned eight. She still has a long way to go.
Teach them the value of money
A billionaire herself, Murthy argues that it is important to teach children that money doesn’t make a person extraordinary.
I recently attended a parents’ meeting and one of the concerns raised by the school is that some parents give their children a lot of money to compensate for being busy.
While giving money to your children to go to Kigali Heights to enjoy pizza and ice cream is not a bad thing, you need to be careful not to turn them into money-minded children who believe that money can buy everything, including happiness.
Teach them that money must be earned and that it is not everything Make them understand how lucky it is to have it because there are some other people who don’t have it. That way, they will value it.
After attending his friend’s birthday party in a five-star hotel, Sudha Murthy’s son came back home and asked his parents to throw him a similar party. So she took the time to explain the high cost of such an event, and how it could be better put to use to help someone less fortunate instead.
Delay requests, reward good behaviour
Murthy says that when a child asks for something, don’t give it immediately. Find out if it’s really needed or not. Tell them they will get what they want when they achieve a certain goal or do something.
"If you pass your exams, I will buy it”. If they behave well, reward them for that, if they don’t, tell them they won’t get what they want for that reason. Giving children everything they ask for, there and then, can be detrimental.
Talk, communicate
Most parents today don’t find enough time to talk to their children because of busy schedules
"Spend time with the child in a constructive conversation. Examine and talk to them about everything,” Murthy says.
Talking and communicating is the best way to understand what is on their mind and how you can help them.
Read books
As a parent, encourage your children to read some books instead of dedicating all their free time to gadgets.
Murthy argues that it is important to teach children the advantages of reading instead of spending time on gadgets. Recommend good books based on their age.