After three weeks of love, laughter, tears and headaches, I was ready for work but interestingly, I also felt that it was time for Kwezi to have a break of her own. As I was contemplating about making a small window where I can drop her off at the grandparents’ house, my mother and sister surprised me with a phone call, where in my family true style, they informed me that they were on their way to my house to pick her up because they couldn’t go another day without seeing her. We packed for her very quickly and her excitement was undeniable. She hugged and said goodbye to everyone and everything and off she went. The first reaction I had when I entered my bed that night was that of relief. I literally stood in front of the bed and collapsed on it. I was relieved. I imagine that I don’t need to explain to anyone how much love I have for Kwezi but I also need a break sometimes. For a minute, I almost felt guilty for being happy that she was away for a few weeks but I dusted myself off and slid it a chill mode. Everybody involved in this; Kwezi, I and the nannies deserve a break once in a while. It is good to be away from impromptu tears, over the top tantrums, unreasonable and most times, really nagging demands. It is great to be able to sleep in without interruption. It is good to also enjoy a moment of silence when I return from work. It is great to catch up on my favorite series without an insistent tiny voice insisting that I instead put the animation ‘Moana’ or ‘Lion King’ which I can guarantee you we have watched about nine hundred times and for which I know every word and song by heart at this particular moment. On the other hand, Kwezi is my drug. The good kind. While I enjoy the silence, I have bouts of loneliness where I want to hear her childish giggles, where I want to hear her genuine laughter when she thinks that I am pretending to be asleep or her many surprise hugs and kisses or even her deep “Mummy, are you okay” question. This whole parenting thing can be confusing sometimes but one thing is for sure, we do need to get to kick off our shoes, put our legs up in the couch, grab a remote and also relax without yelling every few minutes. I refuse to feel guilty about wanting to indulge a little because I truly deserve it.
