Insights: Mixing Business with Pleasure

When the “Benjamins” get you the “Cinderella”Am no male chauvinist at all and have never been nor do I plan to ever be but I was furious when I stepped on the road after my commute from part-time job. No this time, it wasn't my boss (who had given me a warning about coming late or leaving early) who upset me, or the usual conflicts that come in with either of my workmates, or the bad Kampala drivers and “Boda Boda” cyclists who don’t look where they are heading to, not even a bigger headache.
When love rules
When love rules

When the “Benjamins” get you the “Cinderella”Am no male chauvinist at all and have never been nor do I plan to ever be but I was furious when I stepped on the road after my commute from part-time job. No this time, it wasn't my boss (who had given me a warning about coming late or leaving early) who upset me, or the usual conflicts that come in with either of my workmates, or the bad Kampala drivers and “Boda Boda” cyclists who don’t look where they are heading to, not even a bigger headache.

No this time, it was the conversation I was having with my females workmates.

I had decided to go with them for a cup of coffee hoping for a constructive conversation that would take my mind off the surroundings, or maybe some humour-filled talk to help me ease out of my work mode.

But on this day, I got more than I had bargained for. For about an hour, the only conversation these ladies had was verbally assaulting me and all other men even after I promised to pay for their coffee so as to save face, but my efforts proved futile as they continued labelling men everything from scrubs to good-for-nothing-type of men.

What has the world come to? I asked myself. What's with the entire male bashing? I thought as I walking, is this what relationships in the '2000’s have evolved (or rather deteriorated) to?

Spend money on a lady, and you can stick around. But if you don't, you best keep stepping and if you don't step fast enough, she'll give you a few choice words for you to carry with you out the door.

I haven't been around long enough (am still young) but it's quite obvious to me that somewhere along the way, something went wrong. Did I miss something when I was a teenager?

When did dating go from paying for a lady's dinner to paying her telephone bill, from taking her to the movies to taking her to the Mombasa beaches, from buying her roses to buying her a rose-coloured Benz?

Maybe I'm just naive. Maybe the unspoken rule of the dating game has always been that way. Probably their love has a price tag attached to it.

Maybe ripping has always held a special place in a woman's heart. Spend this and you get that. Spend a little more and get this and that.

Spend everything you got, and get this and that and then some. But now, for the first time, these rules are being verbalized, spoken about in public, sang about in songs and spelled out in a brutally frank manner and sometimes downright critical terms.

Ladies used to want to keep up with the love. Now, it’s more like money is doing the thing. “No love without money”.

In this time and era, flowing innovative is no longer a sister’s dream, but a necessity. Latest diamond rings, finer restaurants, fancier cars, leather this, silk that, designer underwear, imported that, and so on.

What happened to romance? Taking out a loan to finance a Valentine's Day gift is not my idea of being romantic.

Busting my budget to pay for her birthday getaway to Kalangala beaches doesn't do much for indicating my true feelings toward her.

Running my budget to its limit to buy her a diamond crusted necklace doesn't show how much I care about her.

And while most ladies are quick to say that they don't need a man to take care of them, that's exactly what many are looking for, exactly like how their Fathers took care of them. Oh, they talk a good game, how romance and love and caring are the most important things in a relationship.

But as soon as a dude complains at her demand for the high-priced goods, as soon as he begins to talk about saving and starting small and being patient, as soon as he denies her request for a nice pair of Gladiator shoes that are paraded in a window, all of that love stuff is pretty much out the door, along with the "scrub" of a man who just wasted her time.

But I must admit that we (men) are partly to blame. Somewhere along the way, a dude slipped and raised the bar by buying his lady something he had no business buying her.

Instead of encouraging her to wait, save for it, or at least put it on lay-away, he went ahead and bought it. Soon, she was all over town bragging to her girlfriends, who in turn, stepped up the pressure on their man until he gave in.

The snowball effect continued throughout cities and towns across the country until now you have some ladies who are trying to figure out how to break a man's wallet before he even backs out of her driveway on their first date.

Maybe one day, ladies will abandon their pay-to-play mentality and realize that the important thing is not the depth of a man's pockets, but the depth of his love.

Maybe one day more men put more importance on keeping their relationships on the right track than keeping up with the sister down the street.

Maybe one day more ladies will realize that it's not about putting a price on love and putting down a man who can't show her the money.

Fruitful relationships are about realizing that the most important thing a man can give you is his love, respect, honesty and dedication and that is something money can't buy.

jeav202@yahoo.com