‘Shem’s Idle Notes’ : Signs she will be a bad mother

So, you’ve found a nice girl and you’re thinking about settling down, having 2 kids and living happily ever after. Well, slow down, big man. Have you thought about what kind of mother she’s going to be? Being a girlfriend is not the same as being a mother.

So, you’ve found a nice girl and you’re thinking about settling down, having 2 kids and living happily ever after. Well, slow down, big man. Have you thought about what kind of mother she’s going to be? Being a girlfriend is not the same as being a mother.

They are two completely different jobs. Just because she’s great at one doesn’t mean she’ll be great at the other. Think about it: Your ideal girlfriend might be sexy, spontaneous and adventurous, but are those the qualities you want in a wife and mother or are they signs she’ll be a bad mother? It’s more likely you want that woman to be dependable, practical and compassionate.

No.10 - She’s self-destructive

A man wants the mother of his children to be responsible. That’s why driving too fast or engaging in any sort of high-risk behavior are all signs she’ll be a bad mother. Self-destructive behavior takes many forms. It could mean anything from substance abuse to simple recklessness. Self-destructive people are unstable and potentially even dangerous.

No.9 - She doesn’t want kids

This is obvious. If she doesn’t want kids now, you will never convince her to want them. Trying to turn a woman who hates kids into your baby mama is a recipe for disaster. You might think her biological clock will inevitably start ticking or that her “maternal instincts” will take over once she has kids, but it doesn’t necessarily work that way.

No.8 - She’s obsessively materialistic

Materialism is a pointer to a hole in her soul she is trying to fill up with nice things.  She might pass her obsession with stuff onto your kid, turning him into a spoiled brat. Alternatively, she might treat your kid as an accessory.

No.7 - She’s self-centered

If she only cares about herself now, that’s not going to change once she has a kid. You might not mind much her self-centeredness, but you’re a fully formed and capable guy who isn’t desperate for her love and affection. The same cannot be said of a kid, who needs her mother. A mother has to put her family first in all instances.

No.6 - She’s a party animal

If she spends most weekends boozing with her gal-pals on a girl’s night out and can’t stand hanging out at home on a Saturday night, consider it a red flag.  Having kids means spending more time at home, especially with a baby.  If she won’t do it now, she won’t do it when the kid comes.

No.5 - She’s obsessed with staying young

If she obsesses over every wrinkle, one of two things will happen with a girl like that. She’ll either try to be the cool best-friend mom, which means buying beer for your 16-year-old, or she’ll try to regain her former glory by living vicariously through her kids. Next thing you know, your toddler is in a beauty pageant.

No.4 - She’s not nurturing

Does she take care of you like a nanny when you’re sick? Does she worry about you a little too much? Is she generous with hugs? Is she kind to people? If the answer to all of those questions is no, she’s not nurturing.

No.3 - She’s impatient

Patience is a necessity for mothers, especially when it comes to babies and young children. Little kids are unreasonable. They don’t listen and they need constant attention and affection. They throw tantrums and spill stuff. A parent needs to understand this and take all these inconveniences in stride. If you find she’s quick tempered now, imagine what she’ll be like with a toddler.

No.2 - She’s a complete perfectionist

There’s nothing wrong with having high standards, but its a problem when those standards become unrealistic. If she can’t tolerate the slightest of failures and imperfections, it’s going to turn your kid into a nervous, self-conscious wreck.

No.1 - She’s violent

Violence is an absolute deal-breaker. If your partner is violent, either with you or with others, and if she ever tries to solve problems using physical force, she can’t be the mother of your children. In fact, you shouldn’t even be in a relationship with her.

The prime directive for all parents is to provide a safe environment for their children to grow up in. That means a house free from physical or mental abuse. Violent behavior of any kind tops is the worst character a mother can have.

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