“I’m done I’ll die, the whole world is against me, I’m confused, I’m devastated, I didn’t know it will reach this extend. Oh my God! What I’m I going to do?”
Wishes and regrets always come later; however all is not lost because experience is not what happens to you but what you do with what happens to you. Just as the Bible says that “I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength” (Phil 4:13), overcoming divorce is one them.
“Till death do us part”! With this vow, every couple enters into a sanctum of holy matrimony. However, the fairy tale ending of “Happily Ever After” doesn’t happen in the case of real life couples. Divorce is one of the bitter realities of modern life, where divorce rate is increasing like Pinocchio’s nose.
And unless you have divorced with a psycho or an abuser, it would be painful for you to get over the long companionship. Getting over that pain is not easy and sometimes, it can even alter your life to gloom forever.
However, it is very important to know that a divorce is merely an outcome of the merger of two people who were just not right for each other.
Dealing with your own divorce is nerve wracking and emotionally shattering. However, it is very important to get over the gloom and understand that life doesn’t end with it and one has to move on. Mr. Mushimiyimana Jean De Croix a Studio manager and a graphics designer contends that “ if the couple loved each other truly before the wedding day, it will be hard for them to get over it but if the couple had just the liking and infatuation it will be very easy for them to overcome a divorce.”
Marriage counselors, Clinical psychologists, those affected and other specialists have suggested a number of ways if tried could help one cope up with the situations after divorce, these include:
Give Yourself Time to Mourn
Sometimes, with lots of responsibilities on our head, we bottle our emotions inside. It may also be possible that you want to move on, because your friends and family can’t see you in this position. However, the most important thing here is to listen to your heart. Listen to what it is saying.
Give yourself time to mourn the failed marriage and move on at your own pace. This is the time to let all the emotions come out and give you the time to heal.
Nobody enters a marriage thinking that it will not last. However, things happen and you need to accept them. Whether you are the one who have initiated it or you are at the receiving end, you need to let it go.
Instead of accusing each other for the failure, think rationally as to what the marriage would have done to you, if you would have stayed in it when there was no love, no understanding between the two of you.
Take Care of Yourself
Divorce is definitely an emotionally shattering time for a person and the last thing in your mind would be to take care of yourself.
However, to cope with the myriad emotions going through your mind, you need to pay attention to your body as well. Eat well and incorporate yoga and exercises in your daily regimen. Give yourself the liberty to indulge in occasional desserts or treat yourself to spas.
Don’t Pity Yourself
You would like to drown in self-pity, when you are mourning your failed marriage. Remember this is just a way to cocoon your emotions from the bitter truth. It may lead to inferiority complex and a life of despair.
Don’t give yourself time for self-pity. Keep a positive attitude. Though it is difficult, remember that assertiveness is something that will take you through this trying time.
Make Time for Fun Things
Divorce doesn’t mean that you will have to live the rest of your life in gloom. Rather, you need to cheer up yourself more. Take a vacation with your friends and spend some time with your family.
Indulge in your favorite fun activity. Join Salsa classes if you dig dance or enjoy pottery classes, if that’s what you like. Every day, take out time to do something constructive, which will not only help you keep your mind off divorce, but also will help you learn a new skill.
It may look like the hardest thing to do, but you would eventually move on. However, rather than dragging the same, why not start trying for it right now? Later, you might regret that you wasted so many years in a relationship that was not meant to be.
So, think positive and move on. This doesn’t mean that you start dating as soon as you get divorced. It just means that you let the wound heal and allow yourself to be happy.
For those who took it positive and accepted it, divorce memories have not interfered with their daily chores. Mr. Sospeter Boit, a divorcee in Nairobi asserts that “since we separated with that old fashion woman, I am very happy; I no longer live a life of darkness, stress, pain and sorrow, I’m experiencing great joy in my heart”
‘Sometimes we don’t have power over fate and when caught up by it let us not lose focus, always give yourself reasons why you can and not why you can’t’