NATASHA'S CHRONICLES : TIME TO CRACK YOUR RIBS!!

I was surfing when I came across Pablo’s (one of Uganda’s favorite comedians) article. It featured on the 17th of February. You simply must laugh your ribs out like I did; It went like this...

I was surfing when I came across Pablo’s (one of Uganda’s favorite comedians) article. It featured on the 17th of February. You simply must laugh your ribs out like I did; It went like this...

“I was traveling in a taxi with my cousin when he received a call from his long lost friend. He was so excited that the Mukiga in him couldn’t hold back. He was so loud that the driver had to park and wait for him to finish receiving the call.

The other passengers released a barrage of words that were anti-Bakiga. The conductor cemented it by wondering whether we were also created in the same image of God. Just so you know, we Bakiga were fearfully and wonderfully created.

Fearfully because we don’t have time to gossip - we beat. Actions speak louder than words; wonderfully, because we speak the truth. Bakiga aren’t like other tribes that say ‘I’ll be back shortly’, and don’t come back.

If a mukiga tells you they’re coming back, start preparing food for they live by their word. If they tell you ‘I’ll beat you’, please get on your heels before they finish.

To set the record straight, Bakiga aren’t rude. They are just putting their language to use. You will never find parables in Kigezi. They don’t have time to confuse the folk.

They say Bakiga are loud but what do you expect from people born and raised in mountains where you have to amplify your voice to communicate with someone up the mountain? If airtime was charged according to how loud the caller is, Bakiga would be dead broke.

Bakiga are the most romantic people. They’ll tell you straight in the face, from the word go, that they love you. If you don’t love them then leave. If you expect a mukiga to plead with you for a second chance, just know that’s a dream.

That explains why they have the most beautiful spouses.
Bakiga are disease resistant. You’ll hardly hear of a disease outbreak in Kigezi. The kids get one injection their entire lifetime - immunisation. You find a five year old with a baritone voice.

This is entirely because of a balanced diet. A kid wakes up to fresh potatoes with a mug of bushera. Three sips and the cup is done. No such word like “lack of appetite” in Kigezi. My cronies used cow dung to roast potatoes. I’ve never eaten potatoes sweeter than those.

We’re the most hard working people. Our ladies are very hard working too, which other tribes misinterpret as aggressiveness. They reason logically. Why buy a bouquet of flowers when that money can equally buy a sack of Irish potatoes?

I admit we love using the word ‘really’, which we generously pronounce as ‘lealy’ but lealy, what do you want us to use? English must have been brought by monsoon winds lealy.

We’re independent minded. Don’t expect a mukiga to be at your beck and call. That’s why most ‘rebel’ MPs are Bakiga. We live a free life. No wonder there is nothing like Kigezi kingdom. The king would suffer because every Mukiga is a king in their own right.”

The author is a student at Riviera High School
hozatash@yahoo.com

Ends

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