Dear Aunt Kiki,
About two years ago, I had a house help and my husband did not like her so he forced me to send her away. About two months ago I met the house girl in the market with a one year old child, when I looked closely at the child- she resembles my daughter. When I asked her who the father of her baby is, without mincing her words, she told me my husband is responsible. When I asked my husband about it, he denied it at first, then came later on and apologized and said he did not mean to hurt me. What should I do? Even though I have a good job I am not ready for a divorce, where do I take my five children?
Indeed where do you take your five children? It is in human nature to feel betrayed by one person whom you truly love, but what has happened, has happened there is nothing you can do about it. But maybe one thing ought to be done here, because you can’t live with a man who is on the loose fathering children left, right and center- you have to come to an understanding about your sleeping arrangements if you feel your health is in jeopardy.
When talking to your husband, put everything in black and white. We are living in very dangerous times, he must live up to his vows and keep up his trousers or else, both of you will leave your children orphans.
What I am not sure about is whether these two people are still meeting. You know it is one thing to sire a baby and another to be a father. I can tell you some men you see on the streets are universal sperm donors -because they have children left right and center, but are not around to help the mother to take care of the child. I know your worry on this is that maybe she has become another wife- well, with men you just can’t be sure-this you must ask and get a straight answer.
There are two options here; one is that you swallow your pride and continue living with your husband as if nothing has happened; forgive him and look forward to a brighter future.
Two, is you seek legal redress. At this point I would not advise you to lean on matters of divorce, you have small children involved here, it can be very taxing in not only matters legal, but also taking care of them. Remember when parents split children suffer both psychological and emotionally.Weighing the pros and cons is very important. Do not take this man to court if you are not ready. Sometimes family problems are best solved amicably, without as much as having to wash your dirty linens in public.
Seek advice from both your family and lawyer. They will advise you on how to go about it. But at the end of the day, remember that the ball is in your court, you must be tactful on how you will play.