The beauty that is marriage

Attending weddings has always been one of the loves of my life. The word marriage is everywhere immersed in the minds of Rwandans. It is impossible to watch TV one day without having a programme about marriage/weddings, celebrities asked about their opinions about marriage. One African proverb declares that: “A woman is a flower in a garden; her husband is the fence around it’.” This portrays a beautiful picture of married life in African society. In Rwanda and all over the world, people get married all the time, and it is always a big event here. I haven’t heard of small weddings with close relatives only. I always attend big weddings in luxury halls with 100 to 300 guests. People plan their weddings for years. Recently, I was invited by a friend Thomas Mugabe and Grace Murekatete, residents of Nyagatare district, in “the land of milk” and what I saw was touching. After 18 years living with his spouse, a thought crossed Mr.Mugabe’s mind to legalise his marriage. This was done to give a new life or new face to their marriage meaning confirming their marriage for life. The preparations were in the context of a wedding, the bride Madame Mugabe with six children, wore a wedding gown and her groom behaved like a newly wed couple. On a cool Saturday morning, after spending 18 years cohabiting, that’s when they made a life marriage covenant, “I take Thomas /Grace as my husband /wife to have and to hold, to cherish and to love, in sickness and in health, for better or for worse - against any outside attacks that would threaten our relationship, always seeking ways to strengthen and grow our relationship till death do us part.” Before the Executive Secretary, the marriage vows were a confirmation of what the couple had been enjoying for the last 18 years. Mugabe drove the audience into a longer laughter when he said “I take Grace you as my wife as already done, applaud from the audience” The bride of the day was also in the mood of the day as she responded in a very stable voice taking Mugabe commonly known as Mabati as husband for life coupled with lots of smiles. Mugabe is a prominent businessman in Nyagatare town and at the same time a “cow boy” of the area. He cracked jokes and the audience responded with applause. One more thing which made the wedding very interesting is the speech from the bridegroom as he stood up to address the guests. “The reason I organized this occasion is because of love my wife has shown me even when we were not doing well financially, it was not easy but we made it, but above all every step of success in life we dedicate it to God who has seen us through”Mugabe emotionally told the guests. Mugabe thanked his wife before the whole public bose babireba after having toiled together “for the last 18 years”. “She has been good to me and that’s why we are gathered here as celebration for life, God has blessed us and today life has changed. Am taking this opportunity to thank my thanks to parents who raised me and especially who has made it with for the last 18 years” he said emotionally. It was also an occasion to thank their parents for the support they have been providing. One of his close friends who traveled all the way from Kigali when asked about the wedding said “Being ‘married for life’ means that you are having a great relationship with the person you are married to, because they take the marriage covenant seriously and preserve the joy and happiness of marriage union” This couple understands the meaning of marriage because they have already lived together for the past 18 years. What they have done means their love life has grown and they seem to have a great future as a family of six children. Friendship is a very important aspect of marriage. Your spouse is the one you are with daily; together you face the challenges of life. It only makes sense that getting through the most difficult times would be much easier if as spouses, we are friends. Mugabe having an interaction with me said that he and his wife have found their love life has grown immensely stronger since we they become friends till they bore children. Overtime, everyday life gets in the way and couples forget the importance of time spent with each other just having fun. They forget or do not even realize the importance of being friends and enjoying each other. Mugabe testified that it’s with his wife that “I laugh with, cry with, play with and share secrets”. We enjoy time spent apart, with our other friends, however, we have found nothing compares to the time we spend together. A pastor once said that there are two important decisions that a couple will make that will impact the success of their marriage. Who they choose to marry is the most important decision they make. The second most important decision was whom the couple chose in their circle of friends. At Nyagatare protestant church, the pastor said this a time for the couple to explore how important God is to each of them. The pastor also noted that Mugabe and wife see marriage as primarily a legal arrangement and a covenant initiated by God. Critics were grumbling that Mugabe had spent a lot of money on the wedding or party. But this money is meant to be spent and I believe they made the right decision in their lives.Scriptures declare that a “marriage covenant” is likened to the covenant between “Christ and His Bride - the Church.” That Saturday was a day for the couple to deepen their intimate relationship with each other. The message to the local populace in Nyagatare is about correcting the violation of the covenant in order to restore an intimate relationship for married couples. This is exactly what is supposed to happen in a marriage relationship between a husband and wife. At the climax of the day friends and relatives stood up to speak and many agreed that the couple did the right thing. The couple received gifts from many of their guests. What amazed me; few gave local breeds 90 percent of those who stood up to bless the couple gave Fresian cows which they described as inka zakijambere. Nyagatare town is a dusty town with no night club but this time people were asked to party till the following day and if need be Mugabe said “we can party till Monday”. Relationships are wonderful gifts given to us by God. As we read in the Bible, the most-intimate relationship is marriage between a man and wife. Ends