HUMOUR : Bird hunter relocates to the provinces

Soon you might not be seeing me around much – I am leaving the city. That is because I am going to do the missing act as part of my tactical withdrawal due to several reasons. First and foremost, I would like to keep this face away from this city where it has become a tad too familiar, a factor that has started making it too difficult to hunt comfortably. Second, I have come to realise that it is easier and cheaper to hunt in the provinces. Armed with these findings, yours truly has now taken a decision to take a break from the city and head to the provinces. I used to hold the hold the stereotypical perception that there can be no birds worthy of hunting in the provinces because the fairest of them are in the city where they all flock to nurture their dreams of prosperity. However, experience has shown me that they may be not as refined and groomed as those in the city, but fair birds do exist in plenty in the provinces. What’s more, these ‘provincial’ birds are even better than their city ones because they are not as ambitious and therefore, ‘huntable.’ Don’t brand me a soft ‘targetist’ please. When it comes to hunting, you need to behave like water- when it’s flowing, its course is determined by the softness or the hardness of the underlying surface, hence the meandering. Birds are the trickiest creatures created by nature and that is why you need to act with caution when you are dealing with them. That is why you need to know the different categories of the birds in order to know how to deal with them. The ambitious type are the ones you need to avoid by any account unless you are a seasoned hunter. The ambitious type are quite expensive to ‘manage’ because they don’t settle for words. They believe in the philosophy that says ‘a bird cannot live on words only.’ That is why to hunt in those grounds you need to have posh wheels and loads of cash. This makes it a problem especially when you are a freelance hunter – the hit and run type. When you are a smart hunter, the best target should be the non-ambitious type. These are not favourable just because they are easy prey but also because they are cheap and good company. These are in abundant supply in the provinces. You cannot get many in the city because the city has an effect on birds more than any other environment. When birds come from the rural parts of the country and settle in the city, they tend to lose so many things including their innocence. They lose innocence because when they settle in the city, they find that the trend is fast and tend to want to move along. In the process, they are transformed rapidly and within a few years, they are totally changed. For those of us who know the dynamics of hunting, we know which part of the city to hunt when we want to get the ‘just arrived’ type. The ‘just arrived type’ will regard a hunter with awe and are easy to manipulate because they are new to the ways of the fast life of the city. Since they know little about the city, a dinner at Chez Kanyombya in Giporoso can make the bird think you are Rujugiro’s business partner. Within weeks you can hunt as many birds as you want by just employing a few hunting tricks. But as innocence gets rubbed off their faces, they start to know that they deserve better and that the city is their playground if they cared to play. That is how ‘huntable’ birds keep thinning out in this city. As time passes, the ‘just arrived’ birds are shading off this label pretty fast – almost half the time they used to get accustomed to the ways of the city. These days, when a bird comes to the city, it takes her a couple of months instead of years to become street smart. That is why I have decided to nip this problem in the bud. I am going to the provinces to hunt from there and I am sure that by the time I exhaust the four provinces, I will be ready to settle down and retire from active hunting. Wish me luck. Ends