RELATIONSHIPS : Inspire ones` choice for a spouse

Making a perfect choice for a spouse who friends or relatives will cherish is a challenge but a surmountable one. Criticism may either be on the looks, level of education and height or skin colour among others, not withholding the economic potential to of course stand the needs in a family and others attached. Although there might be no open criticism by age mates, the tendencies to interfere with one’s choice somehow always exist. “My aunt has turned down the request for a man I love yet he is willing to take me for a wife. The reason put forward is that he is an old man,” Esther said. Although she could not reveal the lover’s age, she insisted “but I love him.” She added, “I respect my aunt for various reasons but this is beyond a temptation which might break the life long love and care I have shared with my aunt.” Esther`s challenge might either be similar or the same faced by many in our society today. Unlike others contrary to what Esther believes, she strongly opposes any person who interferes into one’s choice for a spouse. “Making a decision on who one should marry is a personal decision. I believe it’s me to decide who I should spend the rest of my life with as husband,” she said. However, in some African societies an aunt is highly respected and considered important in making not only the right decisions for a rightful and blessed marriage but charged with the responsibility of guiding a niece into wonderful home maker. For every choice made, there are always certain qualities which act as a baseline to consider before taking a decision of who to lead a life with. This may either depend on life style, class, natural love which might also have determinants, among others. Doctor Claude, one of the local artistes, not married but at least dating, has similar views as those of Esther but has a lot of respect for elders when it comes to making choice for marriage. “Yes, each one should decide who he or she believes is the right choice for a marriage partner. Therefore our friends, relatives and well wishers should inspire and welcome our proposals on the issue,” he said. He also noted that it is important to utilize, recognize and respect the decision for the youths to follow the right channels to marriage. “Other undisciplined young girls may decide to go for marriage without even consulting their parents, so long as they agree with the man,” he observed. He noted that some parents may “have strong reasons for restricting sons and daughters into specific families for marriage” but advised that such parents should be open with their children on the reason. “I do not believe anyone would wish to lead a life style which is not backed by the blessing of his or her family. Therefore, our parents, friends and relatives should always point out the real cause for a rejection into another family.” mugoyag@yahoo.com