After enough thinking and sleepless nights, I have noticed that this mistake is the BIGGEST cause of frustration and disappointment in many women’s dating lives.
The instant relationship thing is defined as a hard-wired behavior triggered by an ATRRACTION that has you thinking and acting as though you have a relationship with a man before you’ve developed one.
It starts with “Hello”….when you meet a great guy and begin an “Unconscious Commitment” in your mind for mutual honesty and exclusivity between you. When you do this to a man, it makes him feel like he’s the “nut” that you are fundamentally SMOTHERING with your hand.
Even if your instant relationship responses AREN’T too deep and intense, just the slightest hint that you’re thinking this way is more than enough to freak a man out and send him running.
Of course, this is completely different from the CONSCIOUS CHOOSING OF A MAN after getting to know him better and has four (4) serious consequences:
1. since it’s BUILT UP in your mind, you will behave differently with this man and most likely scare him away by coming on too strong, looking like your “too interested”, INSECURE or coming off as NEEDY or CLINGY!
2. this unconscious commitment to a serious relationship made at the beginning can cause you to overlook any of his imperfections as they come up thus every thing that would normally send you running or break it off will not be taken into consideration because of the deep ties of love and commitment created in your mind causing you to end up with the WRONG man for you.
3. because this attractive man, who is a great catch, is so used to this happening to him with the women he’s dated, it will cause him to perceive you as “just another girl” that he doesn’t mind losing though you have all the amazing qualities of a “Real and Special Woman.”
4. worst of all, this instant relationship takes away ALL THE FUN of getting to know each other and building a strong FOUNDATION for a successful relationship because there is just too much pressure and the man will feel and sense it on an unconscious level thus withdraw from you. Dating is supposed to be fun if you follow the steps! But in this case, there will be no steps followed since from day one you were “married in your mind” to this man thus skipped all the steps of getting to know each other. ‘Confusing; Right?’
Here’s the thing you really need to know….
The “Instant Relationship” can be as distasteful and “gross” to a man as it is for a man you’ve JUST MET to expect to have sex with you or try and CONVINCE YOU to do so then act hurt or upset when you don’t want to!!!!!
Seriously, THINK ABOUT IT FOR A SECOND!!!!
Of course, when we meet someone we like it’s easy for our “biology” to take over and make us do stupid things but the good news is that it isn’t hard to STOP making this gaffe once you learn of it, ACCEPT and RECOGNIZE when you are things that say, ‘Instant Relationship’ and Push a GOOD man away……
CATCH HIM, DON’T LOSE HIM INSTANTLY!!!!!!!!!