HUMOUR : ‘Januariosis’ seriously affects bird hunting

Why is it that everything that comes at the beginning of everything has numerous problems? Under normal circumstances, this should have been different because number one is regarded highly, especially when it comes to positions. A President is referred to as number one while the best performing student in school is given position one on the report form. But when it comes to other situations, especially those related to times and bird hunting, things change totally. I will give a few examples. Everybody will agree with me that nobody particularly likes a day called Monday, not even the fellas who speak in tongues under the influence of the Holy Spirit. Monday is the world over an unfavourable day for employees as well as employers the world over. Monday is loathed by teachers as well as students in learning institutions on Earth and on Mars. Yet Monday is the number one day of the week, professionally speaking. The French speakers call it lundiosis while English speakers call it Monday Blues. In the land of kitu kidogo where I was brought up, it is great to graduate from primary school but when a student thinks of what awaits them in the first ‘form’ of secondary education, they even contemplate calling it quits. It is only when they think of the effects of ignorance that they decide to face the situation and endure whatever is at stake. Joining form one in the land of kitu kidogo is a nightmare because a ‘mono’ (which means ‘one’) as they are referred to, is regarded as subhuman. A ‘mono’ is subjected to all forms of torture until the last day of the academic year when they finally ‘graduate’ to human status. Have you ever gone for an interview and you find that you are supposed to go first? If you are not very brave, you might find yourself opting to back out. The point is, you don’t know what to expect when you go first yet those who come after at least have the chance to get a hint from those who went first and make adjustments. Bird hunting too tends to be out of favor with the great number one. It is not favorable to bird hunters because when you decide to settle down and retire from bird hunting you are required, actually you are tied, to stick to the figure one. Only great hunters like the great zulu warrior of the South can defy official policies and retire with more than one bird. Just like the approaching Monday sends cold chills down the spines of many, so is the month of January, the first month of the year. Thank God pushed it behind us now. When end of year comes, everyone rejoices and prepares for the festivities ahead with great enthusiasm. It is amazing how the enthusiasm obstructs many from looking beyond the festivities and be able to plan for the monster called January. But before long, the festivities are over and people almost fall into a blackout, what with the numerous financial obligations that come with the beginning of a new year yet all bank accounts were emptied during the festivities. Bird hunting was equally affected during the entire month of January because, as you remember, the end of year adventures were financially draining and by the time January set in, I could barely frog hunt, much less bird hunt. But because I am a veteran, I knew I had to see myself through the difficult times. Through extensive knowledge in management of shoe-string budgets I was able to continue hunting but keeping in mind that I had to look out to know when to walk and when to run when situations got unfavourable. There are some birds that don’t understand any other language apart from that that comes from the Central Bank. I am not necessarily talking about the ‘Pay As You Go’ type of birds. There are birds that can only be hunted after lubrication. Lubrication is in the form of going out and sitting somewhere ‘secure and comfortable’ and start talking. Problem with some birds is that some of these birds’ understanding of a ‘secure and comfortable’ place is nothing less than banana jam at Serena Kigali or Jambo bar at Laico Hotel. You can now imagine what that would mean to bump into such a bird in January. Thank heavens its February, the month of ‘love!’ brdhunter6@gmail.com