Dear Aunt Silvia,
I am a mother of 7 children. I left my lawfully wedded husband and the father of my children, and took off with a much younger man, who is the age of my 3rd born daughter. True to his word he showed me love that no man had ever shown to me before.
In the craziness of love I left my husband and children and took off without a glance back, all in search of love. Eight years down the line, my lover started behaving strangely leading to our break up leaving me high and dry having spent all my hard earned money.
I am so lonely and devastated, my husband’s life continued after I left him and my lover got married recently. Should I go back to my husband and ask for forgiveness?
It will be very difficult for your family to forgive you just like that, you hurt them so much the minute you walked out of their lives, much worse you ashamed your children when you decided to have a relationship with a man the age of your 3rd born daughter.
All the same that is all water under the bridge; let’s look for a way forward.
First and foremost, do not be afraid to approach your husband and children. Seek forgiveness and hear what they have to tell you, though I must warn you , not to have high expectations- you just never know how far their lives have moved on, and how bad they perceived the rejection from you. You have to sincerely show your honesty in seeking reconciliation with them.
Secondly I advise you to meet your husband first and separately without the presence of your children. It will be better if you ironed your issues first before you meet with the children, so that come the time to meet them, you have support from their father, because you will not like it, once they all start talking at once.
Your husband will want to know the reasons as to why you took off with a much younger man than himself, and of course not in the presence of his children. Be true to yourself and him too.
If you give him the reasons, then maybe he will be able to judge for himself where he went wrong as your husband and as a lover. No man wants to be outshined by another, this hurt his ego very much, so you must find a way of restoring his lost glory, and a promise that it will never happen again.
If the two of you agree, then you can pretend to start your relationship once again by starting to date and do all those things that young lovers do and maybe the things two of you never did at the time you met and lived together.
As for the children, it will be easier for you to meet them as their only mother and hear them out alone also without their father’s presence, from the time when you left them- and what they went through in your absence. Children are angels; they are so forgiving, especially when it comes to their parents’ wrong doings.
It will be a little bit easier since they are adults and understand your feelings, and also know that no matter what happens they will never get another mum.
Am truly sorry about your ordeal, but it should serve as a lesson to you and other women out there who are thinking of doing what you did.