Pub talk: The Citi, the Commonwealth, and the good times

Majukumu: Just the other week the famous Performance Contracts were undergoing their annual assessment in the parliament under the watchful eyes of the leaders, snoops, elders and well wishers. All these stake-holders were keenly following mayors and district officials present their performances for 2009 and setting the next step in the march to Vision Venti Venti. Performance Contracts were following shortly after or is it before, the Itorero ceremonies. Among other things, the national Itorero or Itorero ryi’Gihugu is a national dance troupe, sort of a Champions’ League of dance and drama, but with a more modern catch than just your theatre! By the way, do you go to the theatre? Do you have a theatre in your town? Do you know any local playwrights or ‘plays’?, I don’t mean just the Urunana. What is your idea of leisure beyond Primus and the cow dances? So I was talking about the performance contracts event held recently in the Citi, percentages were read out, visions were set, questions were asked, answers were given and I can imagine it was a good time in many hometowns for Citimen . God times facebook reminds me! Mambo’yetu: You see the pride in my hometown pub talk was in watching one of us, speaking on national television with The Leader, who was seen to be following with serious interest and even asking questions. Who are we to have a local boy speaking on television with such an audience! So the neighbourhood was in high spirits going into the Christmas period. Welcome to the 2009 PLAN of our home towns. We have heard unfortunately that one of us, a Kariningufu is on the run. Uhm, one wonders, this boy? We saw him a few days ago, he is/was the pride of the pub. Is he not the one whose name means “a small man with power,” now he even just went epic, this power thing I tell you!! He was about to be promoted and transferred to the party city of Africa, but as an appetizer, he was sent to a 15 day vacation to think about his next career step which was a perched office in the Lap Green conglomerate In the party city. Well, while the ‘little man with power’ was preoccupied with evenings at FatBoys, Bubbles O’Leary and Just Kicking, Nakulabye, Bbunga and Kabbalaga, he decides to step down on the Cape, see what’s up there. Then, don’t say it. Whisper instead, Interpol is looking for him. Shyhhhh!!!!!!! This boy, I think he was a bright spot in the vision at some point? Who is Eric Kariningufu? Bwana’Mkubwa: Yes, earlier in their cycle of growth, the Citimen were dismissed by many not least their neighbours, they were called baFella, war mongers, a bunch of thugs meant to destroy or create an empire. Yes, they were said to be creating an empire; a “hegemony” as one mogul called it. Eh, those people remind them that now the Citimen are engaged in Keeping Peace in other places. Have you not heard? Recently we have lost our sons killed by ambush attacks in Darfur. Have you met Darfur in the news?It is a strange place up north and our fellow Citimen are very popular there. They walk around with guns and big bags on there backs. They are not back packers. And remember just yesterday the Citimen were seen as a bunch of “dominators.” Those neighbours, we laugh at them, they only tried to understand us in one scope, that of two kinds of people who lived close to each other but never shared peace or love. Yes, the empire was a big idea at sometime and at one point was called a “ dynasty.” Woe to those people. Our two sided street on the only road passing through Citi was lined with such avenues such as war, hatred, genocide and genocide ideology. But thanks to the new vision brought in by the new brand of Citimen to whom as a foresight, Kariningufu, like other alleged bad apples belongs. The new crop of Citimen decided that the Citi brand had to change, if Citimen cannot get along properly, the new people said, they would open up Citi, let it be explored by other people, much more different, the Citiz would then learn how to make better of the relations between themselves on the single road running through our beloved Oh Citi. The avenues on our road had to change to cooperation, peace, stability, peace, cleanliness, peace, order and if one knows the Citi well enough, good food. Citimen have now invited other people on our single street Citi. Our stretch now springs from Kampala, Dar Salaam and Mombassa, it is called the EAC. Oh yes, we are now open for business in Paris and Kinshasa. The Commonwealth is an added advantage of course. Oh yes, I am reminded that Rose Kabuye is currently charming up the streets in Citi, and we are open in Berlin too! We have some criticism too, but that is for days yonder. Yes, there’s a problem with being a new kid on the block, at some point the other members of the East African Community complained that Citimen were rushing them about reforms and targets. Citimen knew too well that the only people they had to impress were the good old Donors. That is why at the time the EAC was reluctant we approached African Peer Review Mechanism, (APRM) and signed on, at that point the EAC had to play catch up with us. I tell you, we even managed to convince the World Bank. Look at the World Bank 2009 Doing Business Index. Alright, we’ll see you in 2010...