WOMAN 2 WOMAN : Before the New Year sets in, resolve your marriage problems

As the festive season hits the ceiling this weekend and preparations of the New Year set in, it is time again to resolve issues around your home. Although there are certainly couples who rarely argue about anything, there are also couples whose entire relationship seems to be just a string of fight after fight. As the New Year , work towards building a better relationship with your partner . No matter how wonderful a marriage is, there will be a dispute of some sort now and then. The trick to making your marriage work is to find a way to communicate through the argument and come out of it even stronger than before. If you feel like you might need some help in getting your personal fight club under control, then here are some useful suggestions; Pick Your Battles This tried and true saying really is a good foundation for getting control of a relationship where fights seem to crop up on a daily basis. Unless you actually do enjoy fighting with each other, then you should make a conscious effort to stop and think about a problem before opening your mouth to argue about it. Is it devastating that your spouse’s socks are lying on the floor beside the hamper instead of inside it? Will it be the end of the world if the dishes sit in the sink overnight? Issues that do not matter in the grand scheme of things can be set aside. There is no problem pointing out a problem in a civil manner, but don’t belabor the point. Let Your Guard Down The worst thing you can do while fighting with your spouse is to be so defensive and angry that you can not listen and learn what made your partner angry in the first place. It might actually be a valid concern, or a mistake you actually did make - in which case, you should own up to it and admit your part of the argument. Apologizing or expressing regret for a mistake may seem like you are capitulating, but you are actually “taking the high ground” and being an adult. If your partner sees that you are listening and paying attention to the issue at hand, then you can discuss things in a civil manner without the argument turning into a battle. Effective communication Marriage problems vary in type and severity, but there is one thing that many if not most have in common; most marriage problems, and their resolutions, depend on communication. Communication is the key to all effective relationships. Communication styles vary, but presumably married couples are drawn together in the first place because there is a basic similarity or compatibility between their communication styles. It takes time to maintain communication. Many marriage counselors recommend that couples have a weekly ‘date’ with one another, a time when there is a break from the regular routine and the couple do something relaxed and enjoyable together. After there are children, the weekly date becomes more difficult, but it is more important than ever. Many couples become too busy to spend time with each other alone once there are children. Think about it, though – is not it worth your while to take the time to ensure that your child’s parents have a good marriage, and are able to provide a stable home? Parents that are happy together tend to have happier children, too. Marriage problems, large or small, can be one of the great challenges in life. When dealt with head on, however, they need not get out of hand - in fact, dealing with these challenges as they arise can be very rewarding. It can even strengthen your marriage in the long run, and that means that your overall quality of life can benefit greatly as well. bernanamata@gmail.com