Dear Aunt Silvia,
I am a married woman with no child but very stable in life. My husband is 20 years younger than myself and when we got married I told him that for as long as he won’t ask me for a child then there will be no problem in our marriage.
Two years down the lane he is pestering me for a child. What he doesn’t know is that I was already in menopause even before we got married. Now am in a dilemma of wanting to give my husband a child.
In marriage, a child or not, life should continue. Though I know it is very difficult in our African culture that should not give you sleepless nights. A child comes from God and He does so at His own time.
Getting married to a younger partner may look fancy and exciting especially when the older partner is a female, but it comes with a price dear. I have never met any young or old man who would not like to have children with their spouses despite their age difference, you should have known this.
In fact you should have discussed the issue of children before you tied the knot so that each one of you would have come clean and known the pros and cons of such a union.
Did you know that women your age are at a higher risk in getting complications or even die when giving birth? There are few exceptional cases whereby women your age and who are in menopause conceive and get babies, but believe me the situation is usually very delicate, most of them are put to bed rest for nine months under a watchful eye of a doctor.
You need to see your doctor first before you decide to get a baby at your age- that is if it is possible considering the fact that you are already in menopause. Do not allow to be pressured into having a baby at your age.
In fact I would strongly advise you to go with your spouse to consult a doctor about your state so that he can be informed about what he wants to take you through at your age.
Am sure the doctors will have to perform some tests on you to check if you are strong enough to carry a baby and go through child birth. Whatever the case, you should not allow yourself to be pressured into doing something you are not up to.
Women tend to have a very strong sixth sense, listen to it carefully if it’s warning you against getting the child, then do not force yourself.
A woman your age getting married to a younger man can mean one thing; the man is after what you have even in the full knowledge that you can’t bear him children. He does this to trap you then he will start blaming you for not having children, in the meantime he is fully enjoying the fruits of your labour.
You never know maybe there is a Sheila sitting somewhere being pampered by your spouse courtesy of your money. Prepare yourself for any eventuality.
But one thing I know for sure, your spouse will marry a younger woman his age whom he loves, then lie to you that she is only there to produce him heirs as they sweetly enjoy what you struggled so hard to build.
The ball is entirely in your court, do not allow to be driven any how- you have come this far alone so you won’t have any problem finishing your race alone but in peace.