One woman’s struggle to get a child
Recently, I was traveling in a Volcanoe Coaster from Butare to Kigali. I sat next to a lady who told me she was going to Kigali to visit a relative in Kabeza for the first time.
I told her it is about a thirty minute drive from the city center.
We had just started the three hour journey from Butare town, therefore we had some distance to cover.
To manage her boredom, she engaged me in a conversatio. She asked me which part of Rwanda I come from. When I told her, she told me that she was once married in the same area as my upcountry home.
However, she later got a divorce as a result of a childless marriage. She revealed that she was in her second marriage.
She narrated to me how she persevered for 10 years without a child and being frustrated by her mother in law, she decided to quit.
Her former husband, opted to marry another woman after being convinced by the mother.
I asked her whether she has a child now and so on. She told me that she doesn’t have one two years into the second marriage.
I really felt sorry for this lady
The issue must have been very hurting that she could share it with a stranger.
I asked her if she has gone for medical advice, she said she has done that without success and was looking for another doctor.
I encouraged her saying that she will one day succeed.
It is a common case with women all over the world. The causes may be many ranging from infertility caused by many things.
Cases of infertile men are also there, but in African culture, it is normally the woman to be blamed and not the man. The woman will be looked at as an outcast and should be banished from the home. Some cultures in Africa, allow the woman to bring a co-wife even a sister.
But most of the time the woman is sent away or divorced to allow the man to marry another woman.
The woman has always been on the receiving end of abuse and traditional culture even for factors beyond her control.
No woman or man chose to be infertile or unable to bear children.One thing that is amazing is that most Africans like imitating the west, but when it comes to culture we cannot compromise.
Most people in the west are very understanding when it comes to such problems. They would willingly adopt a child or children.
They can even come to Africa to adopt a needy child.
We have many orphans in Africa and Rwanda in particular, especially those whose parents have died as a result of the 1994 Genocide Against the Tutsi and HIV/AIDS .
But still, it is really hard for a person who is unable to bear a child or whose chidren have passed away, to adopt a needy child.Africans and Rwandans in particular should change their attitude about child adoption and see it as a positive decision.
This will enable us solve two main problems. We will sustain marriages not blessed by children of our own. Secondly, orphans will be accommodated in such homes and reduce their suffering in poverty.