Dear Aunt Silvia,
I am a single young man and planning to marry my fiancé of four years. I love my girlfriend very much, but she has a drinking and smoking problem. She abuses these two things and I feel embarrassed when she gets drunk and smokes in public.
My mother saw her in this state recently when we were had attended a family friend’s wedding, and ever since she is on my back to break my engagement to her.
What do I do am very much in love with my girlfriend yet I feel she has let me down by misbehaving and abusing these two things, at the same time my mother is on my back. What do I do?
You have been placed between a rock and a hard place by your mother and fiancé.
This is a very worrying issue; mothers do not take it lightly seeing their future daughter in law misbehaving.
Your girlfriend needs a wake up call because nowadays young girls think it is ‘posh’ or the ‘in thing as they say to drink and smoke irrespective of who is watching them.
I also know that it is not easy to just break a relationship of four years just because our parents are not amused by the so called future in-laws - you have invested heavily on this relationship that is why you took this bold move to help your fiancé, I therefore urge you to take heart and help her.
It might be difficult for your fiancé to break her habit, but you can make it your business to help her overcome her addiction so that she can lead a normal and healthy life with you.
You have to talk to your fiancé first about her addiction when she is sober, try and make her understand that her addiction is ruining your relationship to an extent that your mother is commenting negatively about it.
Some addictions are brought about by many issues like stress and depression, maybe your fiancé has something which is disturbing her and you are not aware.
Remember that you can only help your fiancé if only she recognises that she has a problem and is ready and willing to be helped overcome her addiction. Above all stop visiting places where alcohol is involved.
Try other places like the theatres or movie halls - where no alcohol is allowed.
Weekends are the days when people go overboard with their social habits - therefore be innovative for the sake of your lady love; find something better to do with her like going for cooking or salsa classes rather than patronising bars and all other places where she can be tempted to slip back into her old habits.