Humour: The Villager: “The Sauna”

All said and done, Rwanda and of course “Abaturajye” have a long stride to take in being “Vision Vingt Vingt” (2020) compliant. 

All said and done, Rwanda and of course “Abaturajye” have a long stride to take in being “Vision Vingt Vingt” (2020) compliant. 

Imagine a people still eating and drinking like there is no tomorrow, reporting at work after nine in the morning among others.

With my protruding front anatomy, if it were a football game, the referee would constantly catch me at the offside position.

 My belly would have been crossing the line even when at or in front of it. 

 I have tried jogging but wapi, as soon as I run for about one hundred metres, I feel like my heart is about to jump out of the diaphragm and so am forced to drop the subject.

I have tolerated many rude remarks about my anatomy from both friends and foes alike.

I tried a swimming club so that I could lose some excess weight but all in vain! 

 I abandoned the swimming because I almost drowned while learning the art of it. 

This happened at the prestigious “Club La Palise” (call it Nyandungu).

The stubbornness in me nearly cost me the dear life! I had been warned (in a dream but took no heed). 

In the dream, I was crossing a small stream back in Mfashumwana village, all of a sudden, the small stream began growing bigger and bigger until it was so wide that I was caught midstream. 

 I woke up to find myself falling off the bed.

This time round, I am prepared to prove my entire detractor wrong, no swimming lest, I drown, no jogging, lest my heart jumps out. 

 I will just go to the Sauna and have my body “cooked” as I watch. 

 I have already enlisted with a Sauna somewhere towards the peak of Nyamirambo Mountain, this place or rather Sauna is located uphill Nyamirambo, after “Tapis Rouge” and the Stade Régionale, one moves about a hundred or so metres upwards.

The Sauna is located in the “concomity” of Guest House African or is it called Africana Guest House (not sure of the name). 

 Don’t worry, just ask for the Sauna parlour and all the “Twegerane” (public taxis) operators will know where you are going.

The Sauna is conspicuously “hidden” in the “bowels” of the building in such a way that, only members can easily know that it exists; as I said, you must ask for it and it shall be shown unto thee!

By the way, what amazed me, was a lady who came asking for “kwa muganga” (doctor’s place or clinic), at first I thought I was lost until some volunteered to explain that, in Kinyarwanda, the sauna is known as “kwa muganga.”

I must believe the thesis that, the sauna is a real “muganga’s place,” and not the type of the “kakakuona and company.”

When I visited the internet to find out more information about the same, I was amazed by the fact that, this phenomenon has been in existence for years in Europe; it was first adapted by the Finnish.

 According to the “Wikipedia” encyclopedia, Saunas are an integral part of the way of life in Finland.

They are found everywhere: on the shores of Finland’s numerous lakes, in private apartments, corporate headquarters and even in the Parliament.

The sauna is an important part of the national identity and those who have the opportunity usually take a sauna at least once a week.

The traditional day for sauna is Saturday for corporeal and Sunday for spiritual purification.

The sauna tradition is so strong that even the Finns enjoy a good sauna; probably the reason the Finnish Church in Rotherhithe, London, has its own sauna.

 Finish soldiers on peacekeeping missions are famous for their saunas; even on the UNMEE mission in Eritrea, a sauna was one of the first buildings to be erected.

Now that the sauna is great, as we match towards Vision Vingt Vingt, we need to emulate other countries especially the developed ones.

 As they say, the scene is cast “sine dire,” I am prepared to get on with it.

Though I had a number of reservations about this phenomenon, slowly by slowly, I’m overcoming them; as the adage goes, “you can easily take the villager out of the village, but you may not easily take the village out of him.”

As for me, the village in me has its days numbered.

 I have made an appointment with a “gynaecologist” not because my “chain keeper” is about to “take the stomach” (get pregnant), but because I need him or is it her, to carefully examine my, what do I call it?

Ahhhh, the ok, my devices can advise me whether the Sauna can destroy them or not.

 According to a physician (general doctor), the sauna has no negative effect on someone’s body, as long as you do not over visit it!  After all, don’t we consume alcohol? 

 If you take too much, you are bound to develop “alcohol poisoning”, a condition that can be fatal!

Mfashumwana@fastmail.fm

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