Marriage: A small ‘heaven’ on earth?

There is a long tradition in many African societies that marriage is a solution to many problems. But on the contrary, today, several marriages testify that marriage is actually not a bed of roses. Maria Gasengayire, 59, is among the few who have succeeded in their marriages. She says that marriage is an institution which calls for patience and compromise above all for the relationship to last. In the Rwandan society, when a ‘woman’ clocks 30-years of age and not yet married, she will be called a ‘girl’, despite her mature age. Only when she gets married is she then considered a woman. On the contrary, Monica Kayitesi, a saleswoman at Kimironko’s central market stands to disagree with the theory. “A woman doesn’t wait to be spoon fed by her husband, and who is never intimidated to compete with men in any yield.” ‘They say love is blind.’ That is why some people rush into marriages, especially the teenagers who sometimes find themselves into immature and arranged marriages. There is not one cloud in the sky. The church bells are ringing. Beautiful flowers and several other fantastic decorations adorn the church. The religious leader is also readily clad in a ceremonious robe to bless the newly married couple, as the choir sings songs of praise to God for this union. The groom is extremely excited, because the day he has been nervously waiting for is finally here, and is going to walk away with his gorgeous wife, and eventually kiss farewell to bachelorhood! Similarly, the bride’s dream has come to a reality. The man of her dream has given her that thing (the ring) she has been yearning for! Anxiety is in the air, but somehow, they are both not sure whether it’s luck, or fate that has come on their way. The wedding is finally over and the couple proceeds for their honeymoon. There is no need for any other assurance, because being by each other’s side is just enough and the couple so excited about the newly acquired status of husband and wife. To some, the church ceremony is just enough to certify their engagement into marriage relationship and live happily as husband and wife, regardless of age and blood relationship as long as there was consent between both parties. However, according to the Rwandan Civil Law, the fact that a couple has the church consent, it is not conclusive evidence that they are free in the ‘eyes’ of the law. There is still need to legalise the marriage before civil court. “In Rwanda, church marriage is not legalised, the couple has an obligation to also take their vows before the legal authorities, which is done at the district level,” says Patrick Habimana, a law student at the National University of Rwanda (NUR). At some point in our lives, we want to quit ‘the game’ and settle down with that one special lady or man. Marriage is a word that we all fear until abruptly, one day, it all makes sense and you explode the big question.... “Will you marry me?” Approximately half of all marriages end in divorce, so it’s sensible to double-check that your very last pickup is the perfect woman or man for you, and that your marriage is legalized, in order to able to share the family property when divorce occurs. Dorothy Munganyinka, 28, whose wedding was scheduled for June this year, went to inform her uncle about her wedding plans, but guess what!! She came back telling her longtime fiancé that her parents told her to hold it until further notice, of which reasons, she didn’t explain to her fiancé. Remember, this is the day that she has dreamed about since she figured out that some men only wanted to put her on a bench. But this was not the case with Cedric Mugisha (her fiancé). He really wanted to marry her, but her parents had stepped in to protect her, after predicating that their marriage would not last longer. Have you noticed that you have shifted from unconditionally loving your spouse to wanting to her live a troubled life? You may ask yourself, “Why on earth did I choose this particular one and yet I still had opportunities to choose someone else?” True, you may have been attracted to your spouse for a few virtues, but you now find them unpleasing. For that reason, it’s worthy noting that, marriage is not a small ‘heaven’ on earth as some people think. To have a successful marriage, there must be compromise, patience, understanding and hard work between the two individuals. lindaonly2005@yahoo.com

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Marriage: A small ‘heaven’ on earth?