It’s arrogant. Blasphemous even. And yet it’s very common for women to think they have the power to change men.
The storyline is the same. It starts the moment a woman sets her eyes on a guy who is not interested in being in a relationship. When he flirts with her. Unbeknownst to her, his flirting with her is not because he is interested in her but because he is actually good at it. Because to not flirt would be to waste one of the very few talents in his possession.
But the woman, being conceited, decides that he likes her. How can he not? People are lucky to know her, to be in her presence, to talk to her. These are the things that she has heard ever since her body finally found an ultimate shape. A good shape.
She sends signals both subtle and clear about wanting exclusivity. They are met with elusive rejections.
Elusive rejections are those statements that guys make when they are not interested in you but they don’t want to make you feel bad about yourself. “I envy the guy who will end up with you.” “You will make an excellent wife to some lucky man one day.”
They will tell you that you will make a great homemaker but they will be careful not to ask you to make their home. Why? “Because you are too good for me.”
But the woman refuses to pick up on all these signals. She decides that he doesn’t know what he wants and inserts herself in his life. Skips right to playing wife. And mother. Provides unsolicited advice about the direction that his life should take. Cleans his house on the weekend. Stalks him on social media.
When he still won’t commit, she decides to conceive. Surely he is bound to settle down with the mother of his child. And so a quick wedding preparation. And so a child.
But to marry is not to settle down. To settle down is to know and feel that you have obtained your heart’s desire. No misgivings. Both feet in the door.
She soon understands this when she has to compete with all the things that he is doing to distract himself from what seems like being in a prison cell. Now she is complaining about his working hours. Now she is sending threats to every woman he flirts with, telling them on his behalf that he is married and contented.
But contented men don’t flirt with other women. Contented men do not let you nag them for days, months and years about giving you their time. Contented men, on their own without being prompted protect the relationship from everything and everyone.
Now she is a miserable housewife who hates life. And men. And she volunteers this information to anyone who cares to listen.
But she could have avoided all of this if she had made one important realisation; you can’t make him commit. You are not God so it’s arrogant and even blasphemous to think that you have the power to influence people’s feelings towards you.