I wear a chastity ring aka promise ring aka purity…okay. I won’t go as far as calling it a purity ring because purity is a bit out of my reach-out of my mind’s reach. The good book says that if you have thought it, then you have done it. My adult mind can’t always steer clear of adult thoughts.
Still, I would like to think that it counts for something if I am willing to fight the good fight until the night of my wedding. If that day should ever come. My mother is starting to lose hope. I don’t blame her.
Anyway, my ring has always been a sort of ice breaker. As soon as someone inquires about its purpose, I open my mouth and proudly proclaim my chastity, inevitably opening a Pandora’s Box.
“You’re naïve.” “You’re unrealistic.” “Where will you find a man who is willing to wait till marriage?” Someone even once said to me, “Don’t say that in public.” As if chastity was now something to be ashamed of.
And that brings me to one of the biggest quarrels I have with society today.
Take my friend Brenda for instance. She recently gave birth. She is neither engaged nor married to the father of her baby. Usually when women realize that something is baking in their ovens, they rush to the altar or toward some sort of commitment.
But not Brenda. She absolutely does not want to “rush things.”She said that with a straight face. It took a lot of self-control not to fall into uncontrollable fits of laughter.
I am not saying that getting pregnant should prompt anyone to get married. But is it me or is there something profoundly wrong with moving in with someone and even going as far as making a human being with that person all the while being unsure that you want to be with them?
I partly blame Hollywood. Hollywood has sold on this madness: Boy meets girl. Boy and girl jump into bed thereby starting a ‘casual relationship.’
In this casual relationship, boy and girl are very careful not to discuss feelings and exclusivity and commitment because that would be “rushing things.” Somehow, this story has a happy ending.
People believe it. People run with it. People, without stopping to think that the actors are mostly either divorced or hardly in committed relationships, apply it to their lives.
And anyone who wants to know and get known emotionally, intellectually and spiritually first is old-fashioned and naïve and should just be quiet.
I know that I shouldn’t have to advertise my chastity because that decision is between me and myself.
But by wearing a promise ring, I provoke and trap people into conversation about abstinence. And when I get them hooked, like I always do, I let them laugh at my “ridiculous decision.”
Then I give them a speech about how I am the one with the moral authority to judge them seeing as I have the self-control that they clearly lack.