I hate people who...

I understand that it is quite normal for people to own more than one phone in 2014; even three phones are quite alright with me

…still walk around with those four-Sim card phones. I understand that it is quite normal for people to own more than one phone in 2014; even three phones are quite alright with me. However I still do not understand the ones who have two phones and each phone has four Sim cards.

When you have a total of about 8 Sim cards I think it is time I get to know your family so I can ensure that none of my family and friends ever intermarries with your folks. Why would you need so many Sim cards unless you were auditioning for a conman’s job?

I actually think that these phones are the reason we always have network issues because those phones are polygamous and hence potentially troublesome.

…over use clichés, especially when it is not necessary. Sometimes I find myself listening to someone and I wonder whether they were born during an NGO conference or workshop. I am talking about the people who punctuate their speech with way too many clichés and tired phrases. They benchmark everything they say and always insist that I should think outside the box.

When I ask which box, they laugh and lecture me on how I should aim to achieve my development goals by identifying which deliverables I can bring to the table. Even without knowing the current exchange rate, this joker does not hesitate to tell me how he now lives above the poverty line and spends more than a dollar a day. What happened to speaking normally like I do?

…can’t tell the difference between official personal emails. I recently discovered another tribe of stupid people. These ones hide in offices enjoying free internet at work, reading and responding to emails in between liking Facebook posts and stealing tweets to appear intelligent.

These people waste no time in turning an official communication a personal one. You have an email copied to other people in the company and when one empty head is responding he/she will ask one person how the weekend was or how they like the other person’s new shoes and would like to know where they too can get a pair. I really think that these people are the reason why Jesus is delaying to return.

…aimlessly use hash tags on social media. Let me start by publically apologising for not having hated on these jokers earlier. I guess it is because I was hoping for a moment to physically slap them for letting down the human race.

I am sure you would also understand the need for violence when you find a nincompoop (I can’t think of a better name) on #Twitter, #Instagram or even #Facebook, #writing #like #this.

Sometimes I think that these jokers were deceived that if you use a hash tag for each and every word then you end up spending less on internet bundles. I just pray that the MTN croc can chew their bundles and come for them too.

Let me help you hate by sending your suggestions to thehater2009@gmail.com or text me at +250 788 545293

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