My dad passed away four years ago and my mum recently remarried. All those years, I stayed with just my mother and we had a really tight relationship. We did everything together and I could almost tell her anything. Things have changed of late and I feel like the bond is gone.
Other than that, I want to move out but I can’t because I feel like I have to be there for my mother in case this new man turns out to be a disaster. I really don’t know what to do. Help me guys.
Let her be
As you built a tight bond with your mother, you probably forgot that she had feelings that your closeness would not provide for.
You probably forgot that she needs love too and that though you open up to her and tell her everything, she needs someone in whose arms she can fall asleep.
She might have had love for your old man but she still has a void that her new man will probably fill. It is best that you show support for her new found relationship and keep by her side as she rediscovers love.
This is probably her chance to find true and real happiness as awkward as it may seem.
As of the relationship between the two of you slightly changing, you should understand that she also probably feels a little awkward too now that she now has extra company.
It is probably time to move out but make sure as you do it you do not seem to disprove of her choices.
Collins, 26, is married
You will both be fine
I really do understand you. You had each other during that time when it was just you and her but you must understand that she has someone else in her life now.
Things can’t stay the same. She can’t divert all her attention to you like she did in the past when it was just the two of you.
Very soon, you will also get someone in your life that will pull focus away from your mother. If you think it is convenient that you move out, then please do it. Your mother will be fine with the person she chose to spend the rest of her life with. Moving out doesn’t mean you should be distant.
You should always keep in touch. It is possible that moving out could make you talk more; on phone or even social media. So do what you feel is right. It will all be fine.
Patrick, 22, is in a stable relationship
She’s a grown woman
I think it is admirable that you want to stay and protect your mother but honey; she is a grown woman and so are you. You have a life to live and you will never do that unless you move out and start it. She is your mother and you will always have that bond.
Don’t think that because she got a new man she loves you less. Her attention is just divided. Perhaps you could talk to her and let her know how you feel. She might not be aware that she has drifted away.
Also, the fact that you want to stay just to protect your mum, has the new guy given you reason to worry? Does he seem really suspicious to you? You might want to get to the bottom of things first and not draw conclusions on a man who might be harmless. Think about it.
Wish you the best. I’m sure you will all be fine.
Martin, 29, is single