Secondary infertility almost cost me my family

We conceived our first baby, a daughter, in the first month of trying and had a normal birth. My husband and I took it for granted that having a second baby would be just as easy. When I still wasn’t pregnant after a year of trying, we struggled to come to terms with the realisation that we may have a fertility problem. I got intensely disappointed every time I got my period. More so because some months I felt nauseous and convinced myself I was pregnant, only to find my period came within 24 hours. Everything was the same as last time: same partner, same sex life, same me. So why wasn’t it happening? We went to see a doctor after a year but there was nothing wrong with us. I was average weight, safe for ovulation and was determined that we would have a child without any help, like we did the first time. I couldn’t stop thinking about trying to conceive, how miserable I felt at not being pregnant. However, much as my friends and other people were compassionate, I cried my heart out every night, my husband started cheating on me and I felt it was entirely my fault. I had stopped taking good care of myself and became awfully envious of other pregnant women, more so for women with newborn babies. It was pregnancy that I was desperate for, not someone else’s baby. Having had one baby I knew what a joy it was to give birth and hold your own baby in your arms. I felt a deep grief that I may never have that wonderful experience again. And, having been brought up in a family of four, I felt so sad that my vision of a family with siblings may never be realised. Eventually, I gave in to help and started medication, made myself attractive and always seduced my husband to have sex with me on a regular basis but nothing changed. All this time I hadn’t told him that I knew he was cheating on me for fear of losing him. Several months passed and I went back to the doctor who prescribed a fertility drug called “Clomiphene”. After two months of taking the drug, my hope had started to wane but, fortunately, I got pregnant in the third month. My husband confessed to me about his cheating habits, told me he was facing pressure from his family and apologised for his mistakes. I was really annoyed but I decided to forgive him since I had also taken to my corner and had stopped taking care of him. I had a normal birth and gave birth to a son after our daughter had made six years. This is when I felt that my family was complete and my first born immediately took a liking to her young brother despite the age gap. Secondary infertility is a nightmare I can never wish for any mother.