I have been dating this guy for about a year now and everything has been going great. When we fight, we don’t go all out, we try to listen to each other and then apologise. We really respect each other.
However, about two months ago, he received a pretty great job offer in Nairobi. I was really upset. But what upset me the most is that he never asked me to go with him. Even though I might not do it because I have a steady job and life here, it is still nice to be asked.
When I told him about it, he apologised and said he didn’t think I would accept. He then asked and seemed like he really wants me there. I have to tell you, I am really tempted because I believe this guy could be the one. Should I take that risk and just go?
Tona, 28, Kacyiru
You can’t just decide this overnight
Love is great. It makes us do crazy stuff sometimes. I understand that you are in love but you have got to plan this properly.
What I mean Tona, let him go first, settle in, and eventually you can join him. You don’t have to do anything irrational now. Yes, giving up your job to follow a guy you have only dated a year is kind of silly.
Things like this can take months or even years of planning. What if he doesn’t find the job as interesting as he thought and ends up quitting? What if you go there and can’t find a job yourself after giving up a perfectly good one? I know you can’t live with all these ‘what if’s’ in your head but it is also wise to think things through and plan accordingly.
For instance, go online and see if companies in your field are hiring. If so, you are in luck. You could apply for a new job as you slowly tear away from your old one. It’s not that complicated. Rushing into things might be the worst mistake of your life.
Collins, 26, is married
It’s Nairobi, not Spain!
Tona, I appreciate that you want to be with your man. It’s adorable. But why you are thinking of giving up a perfectly good life to follow him to a place you can travel to easily is beyond me.
Sit down and think about this. Nairobi is not far away. Whatever perception you have about long distance relationships isn’t always the case. He seems like a pretty great guy to me. Please don’t take the fact that he wasn’t the first to ask you if you wanted to go with him as a sign of being shady.
Some men are not too good with rejection- he probably thought he might ask you and say no and that alone is depressing. The fact that he did ask after you told him says he is not hiding anything. He wants you there – but he knows you have commitments here and doesn’t want to be the one who tears you away from that because you might resent him for it one day.
Think about it.
Patrick, 22, is in a stable relationship
Follow your gut
First of all, you sound so much like a woman in love. Good for you honey. In situations like these, all I can tell you is follow your gut. If you feel this is right, go for it. Things like this only happen once. You might let go of something great just to keep a steady job.
I know things can change, but you must not let yourself think that way. Go with a positive mind and make things work. If you have done this well so far, you will continue to do so. One year of decent fights is not easy.
Perhaps let your parents know why you are leaving first. Hear what they have to say. Sometimes we think we know it all but we don’t.
If they feel it is too big a risk to take then I guess, mummy and daddy know best, right?
I really do wish you all the best. I’m sure whatever you decide to do will yield good results. You sound like a smart woman.
Martin, 29, is single