Learn to Forgive

It can happen to the best of friends. One day the two are inseparables, the next day they aren’t talking to each other. How does sweet friendship turn sour so fast? Everyone makes mistakes so it’s expected that sooner or later a friend will do or say something that hurts you, or you hurt them. You may recall a few times when you have hurt others. Because we love our friends so much and develop such close friendship with them, it is crushing when we feel betrayed or deeply hurt by them. Most of us don’t expect that our friends will hurt us, so we have no idea how to handle the situation when it happens. What to do When we feel sincerely hurt by someone and angry, the last thing we want to do is talk to them. Most of us retreat and cut off all communication, or if we do communicate we do so coldly. So, it is good to take some time to yourself when a situation arises between you and a friend. Talking to them immediately will most likely result in a heated dispute and the problem will rise, making it much harder to fix. After you’ve taken the time you need to calm down and regain perspective, it is vital that you talk to your friend about how you feel. When doing so, try to avoid blaming and accusing them. Even though they have done something to hurt you, pointing the finger at them is not going to help. If you do not let the person know how you feel about what they said or did, they may not even know that they did anything and therefore, keep doing it. It isn’t fair to be angry at someone if you aren’t willing to let them know how you feel about the situation. Give them a chance to explain or apologize, listen to an explanation of what happened. When you approach your friend, remember that your objective isn’t to return evil for evil, rather your goal is to settle the matter and restore the friendship. When they apologize, find it in your heart to forgive them, and move on. Forgiving someone who hurts you is not always easy. Forgetting that they did something to hurt you is much harder. However, for your own mental wellness, it is beneficial to deal with the hurt and move on. Staying angry or upset with someone does not cause them as much pain as you cause yourself by holding onto that hurt. When someone hurts you, it’s best to try and forgive that person and eventually forget what happened, though you never actually forget that they hurt you. ‘Time heals all wounds’ as the saying goes and having time to yourself will put you into a clearer state of mind and allow you to forgive. martin.bishop18@yahoo.com