During the Covid-19 pandemic, many workers have reported how empathetic and caring their usually busy, stressed and absent supervisors have become. They call, they listen, they respond. “It’s as if they’ve become human again,” said a client recently. Many leaders agree that after the initial rush to design and implement business continuity plans when Covid-19 first hit, this extended period of working mostly from home with little to no travel has allowed them to rest, reflect, recuperate and indeed become “human again”. The question now is how will they remain both “human” and “humane” – which includes the softer qualities of kindness, tenderness, empathy, consideration and compassion - as the world hopefully enters a New Post-Pandemic Normal sometime next year? Much has already been written about the need for clear, concise and consistent communication, incorporating active listening and genuine empathy. This a requirement for any worker, especially in a virtual environment. “Humane” leaders need to do all of this and add three key skills to their toolbox, which can be taken out and used at any time and in any order, as long as they are both timely and authentic: 1. Appreciation As we were wrapping up a virtual project last week, a trusted colleague and long-time friend shocked me by saying: “I need some acknowledgement for all the good work that I have done so far.” My first thought was why would Lesley need this overt affirmation from me now when she and I both know the exceedingly high standards that she has always lived up to and continues to achieve every time we work together? “This has been a difficult time for me and I haven’t felt acknowledged or appreciated, especially when I’m doling it out all the time,” she continued. “I’ve been silent for too long.” Now I understood and I responded in kind. Lesley had the courage to speak up and ask for deserved appreciation as a trusted colleague but many of your team members and subordinates just won’t do that, usually out of fear of looking weak or needy. So the onus is on you as a humane leader to track what others are doing and - as well as coaching them through challenges - you should also “catch them being good” and give immediate, explicit and specific words of acknowledgement. It could be something as simple as: “Thanks so much for volunteering the extra time yesterday to bring Jean-Marie and Louise up to speed on our new project.” 2. Forgiveness When a co-worker messes up or has a direct, negative impact on a particular teammate, they might well take it personally and feel hurt, angry or disappointed. Even embarrassed or humiliated. That is normal. Humane leaders will take the time to reflect on what their subordinate just did, why they are so upset now and if there was anything that they could have said or done to pre-empt or mitigate the negative outcome. And then they will forgive themselves for any distraction, negligence or complicity on their part. At the same time, they will use their position of relative power to consciously find and express compassion for the other person, openly forgive them for their words or actions and then make time for both of them to explore and agree on ways to ensure that this does not happen again. 3. Apology As humane leaders are “human” too, they will also mess up and do things to hurt, annoy or disappoint those who work with them, as happened with my colleague Lesley last week. Aware leaders will hopefully recognize what they have said or done wrong before others do. If not, it may need to be pointed out to them directly or indirectly through a peer or mentor. Either way, errant leaders should take immediate action to offer a sincere apology – as I did with Lesley - and, if necessary, make amends and ask for advice on how to avoid such actions in the future. If leaders can learn how to express real appreciation, forgiveness, regret and atonement when they are appropriate, they can remain both “human” and “humane” and retain and expand the trust and loyalty of those around them. Or in the words of an old Chinese proverb: “Over a distance of a thousand miles only humanity works, not power.” The views expressed in this column are entirely those of the writer who can be reached at: jeremy@jeremysolomons.com
