Have you heard of the Resident Presidents? It is a two-man satirical act, starring Olushambles and Kibarkingmad, commenting on events in Africa on BBC radio’s Focus on Africa. The two men came to mind when I read two articles, one in The Atlantic and another in The Financial Times. I imagined what a New Times version of their act would sound like and it was like what follows below. “Kagame is a genius,” one of the men says. “Which Kagame?” the other asks. “Have you taken leave of your senses? There is only one. Paul Kagame, the president of Rwanda.” “Oh, that one! That’s not news. We know that.” “Yes, yes, I know you do, but this is not in the sense that you know.” “What then? Genius means one thing.” “He is also some sort of a magician. He can bend figures to his will, make them dance to his tune and even toe his line. And that’s not all. He can also get the whole world, including global institutions with some of the best brains, to believe him.” “That sure is some genius.” “You haven’t heard all. He also has a band of wizards who work their magic on the figures and a select group of geniuses holed up in an institute of numbers busy hammering them to the desired shape and then presenting them to the world as fact.” “That sounds scary: magic and a factory manufacturing facts?” “And what they produce is so good it has an old professor bamboozled and a weed man spinning in circles of delirium.” “Now that you say it, I remember I’ve heard about those whiz kids. They are a bunch of very bright young people, with no historical baggage like the old professor and the weed man, aren’t they? “ “You’re right. They have eyes set on the future, not hankering after a past that is gone for good.” “If these young fellows and their president have the ability to remake their country to match the facts they have manufactured, I think they can pretty well do anything, even reshape our world and make it more habitable for all humankind. Know what? I would like to live in that country. That’s where things are happening and I am going there.” “From what I know of that country, you’ll be most welcome.” “Anyway, how did you learn about all this data-bending genius and figures factory stuff?” “It came from a British newspaper quoting an old professor and his associates with a rabid hatred for President Kagame and Rwanda’s leadership, and a pair of Rwandans intent on dragging their country in the mud.” “And anyone believes that, coming from those sources?” “Of course not. The Rwandans have roundly condemned the papers for carrying blatant lies and robustly refuted the claims. Institutions like the world Bank have unequivocally vouched for Rwanda’s data.” “That should be it then. Who are these sources anyway?” “They are a bunch of people who are totally negative about Rwanda and everything that is happening in the country. The old professor is a Belgian who worked in Rwanda pre-1994, was very close to power, actually advised the then president on a wide range of issues.” “You mean he worked for the genocidal regime?” “Yes, and he enjoyed kingly status and was worshipped. The new order does not worship idols even if they are human and so will have nothing to do with him. That has hurt his ego. Then there is this other Rwandan who is constantly high on weed. Has been all his life. He has sold his soul, whatever little he had, and his diminishing brain to a crooked tobacco magnate and a terrorist outfit. Recently he has become beloved of a meddling old man in the neighbourhood.” “An unholy alliance, then.” “You can say that again. They are joined by some of the professor’s close associates who call themselves Africa experts. But their expertise was built in the past and on an Africa that does not grow, actually retrogresses.” “That’s more than unholy. It’s diabolical.” “There is more, difficult to understand at first, but on closer scrutiny, is part of a pattern. You see, the vehicle of such “revelations” is respectable world media. A few weeks ago, Stephen Paduano wrote in The Atlantic about Rwanda’s supposed heavy and unsustainable debt burden. The story flew in the face of all assessments by the world’s leading economic institutions with some of the most tested and trusted data measuring instruments” “And the man wrote stuff contradicting all the evidence? He must be mad or has a hidden agenda.” “Maybe both, and then, for good measure, he threw in the Chinese.” “Ah, the Chinese, everyone is talking about them. They are about to take over the whole world, starting with Africa and Asia, and then Europe and America, right?” “That’s what they say and yet all of them are courting China for one thing or another. Anyway, about Rwanda, a few days after Paduano’s dire warning on debt, Standard &Poor, a leading rating agency raised Rwanda’s rating from B to B+.” “What does that mean?” “It means the economy is stable, debt manageable and economic outlook good.” “Then why does Paduano say such things?” “Ask him. And now the Financial Times have taken up the story and claims that Rwanda is fiddling with its economic data, especially about poverty reduction. But to be fair, FT is only repeating what has been said before, and from the same sources. The BBC, The Economist and a few others have been doing the same. Perhaps the first few times, it didn’t have the desired effect. ” “You know, man? Who is actually fiddling with the truth? Looks to me it is the old professor and associates and the media carrying their fabrications.” “You got it.” “Still I don’t understand why they should do such a thing or why they have brought out the heavy artillery against a country they love to call tiny.” “I told you, man: hatred, fear of being proved wrong, can’t have a country that should have failed rising up and making such strides, and not willing to take some of their advice. Bad example.” “I get it. What Rwanda is doing is atypical and if allowed might become the normal, and then the naysayers will become irrelevant. And no one wants to witness their own demise. Brilliant.” “That’s right my friend. You can never underestimate the power of example. They are afraid of that.” The views expressed in this article are of the author.
