Almost every family in Rwanda was affected by the Genocide against the Tutsi that took place 28 years ago, in one way or another. As years go by, families find themselves in a situation where they have to tell their children about what happened, because this is shared history that everyone is part of and will remain so for generations to come. However, as parents, teachers and other people who provide information to children do so, they should pay attention to a number of factors. In an interview with The New Times, Joseph Kalisa, a clinical psychology practitioner, said children often start showcasing curiosity for knowing about the Genocide at around 8 years of age, and at that time, parents find themselves in a situation where they have to respond to questions in this regard. Children observe a minute of silence as they visit Ntarama Genocide Memorial. File “From around 8 up to 12 years of age, or even above, children are starting to ask questions. For example, if you are a survivor and lost your mother and siblings during the Genocide, the children may start turning to you and ask where their grandmother and uncles are,” he said. “Here, they have not asked you about the Genocide, but their question triggers a conversation about it. So, what we usually recommend is that you slowly start releasing the information to them,” he added. However, he noted that when the children are at a tender age, the people who provide information to them should not go into graphic details of how people were killed or abused, because this can trigger some sort of trauma among the children. “You may tell them about the killings but in simpler ways,” he noted. “Some children are more inquisitive and are going to ask more questions. At times that is when some people set some collective conversation about the topic. For example, the father, mother and other siblings get to sit together and talk about the topic together. The group provides some kind of support in the conversation,” he added. However, Pastor Antoine Rutaisire, a genocide survivor and a campaigner for unity and reconciliation believes the conversation with children should be steered towards molding them into compassionate human beings. From a young age, he said, it is important to teach them the values of serving, loving other people without discrimination, compassion and other qualities “that died in us to lead to the genocide.” “Information is not the main key to fight against genocide ideology, renovation of the heart is. Your children will rarely ask you about the genocide but they will ask Who is Hutu and who is Tutsi. Who are we? Be always ready to give them an answer that will not poison their young and fragile minds. Beware of your conversation with friends and relatives, thats where kids draw their worldview,” he noted. Kate Weckesser English, the Executive Director of the Educators’ Institute for Human Rights (EIHR), an institution that cultivates partnerships among educators globally to create materials and deliver training based on best practices in Holocaust and human rights education, said that the recommendation (to start telling a child about the Genocide) may vary depending on the individual child, their maturity level, and their experience, but noted that in general most holocaust and genocide education programs recommend age 12 as the earliest. “In the US that’s around grade 7,” she told The New Times. “There are occasions when there might be reason to approach the subject earlier. For example, the book “Number the Stars” by Lois Lowry is written for children about age 9 to 12. It won the Newbery Award for American Literature for young people, and is a story of rescue during the Holocaust,” she added. She advised that topics like Genocide and Holocaust should be approached from a wider lens. Here, for example, if children are younger; the information provider should avoid being too specific or too graphic. “Approach the broader themes of genocide prevention, such as empathy, moral courage, and the celebration of diversity,” she said. According to the United Nations Childrens Fund (UNICEF), one of the tips for talking to children about conflict is to spread compassion, not stigma. “Conflict can often bring with it prejudice and discrimination, whether against a people or country. When talking to your children, avoid labels like “bad people” or “evil” and instead use it as an opportunity to encourage compassion, such as for the families forced to flee their homes,” reads a statement from UNICEF, via their website. It also recommends the use of age-appropriate language, as well as paying attention to the children’s reactions and being sensitive to their level of anxiety.
