You have probably shared great history with your friends and telling from the numerous photos of you together that you posted on social media; you were considered best friends among your peers. However, that is now in the past, seeing that it is now close to seven years since you last had a genuine conversation or checked on each other. You have both since moved on, made new friends, and life has been pretty fun that way. Life has a way of naturally knocking people off separate directions no matter how close they were before. If, for example, what connected you was the work environment and one of you finds another job somewhere else, or maybe you were neighbors and one of you shifts, or probably you studied in the same school but now that school is done, there will not be anything left to bring you together. Such friendships don’t fade, but its either the distance or lack of time, or as you grow, you just want to hang around people with a different purpose. The kind of people that you can grow and support each other, financially or emotionally. As you grow, you yearn to hang around people that are real and sincere. Photos/net. For video blogger Flavia Tumusiime, in one of her vlogs, she highlights that when children come into the picture, the situation is overwhelming as you have to juggle work, family, spare time for children and still be a wife. Such situations occupy you and you at times fail to avail time to meet up with your friends. This, she says, leads to guilt as you’re not sure how your friends perceive you anymore, noting that they might wonder or question whether you’re the only busy one. Tumusiime notes that when such habits of missing out on meet ups such as birthday parties and other events continue, the friendship is tested and if such pals are not understanding of the situation, there is a higher possibility of such friendship splitting. According to the vlogger, as one grows, they notice that they need friends that they can count on and if that support system lacks in your peers, you might also need to look for better friendships. She believes that friendship beyond 30 years should be for greater successes, for instance, collecting money to start up business or innovations, unlike before where money was just spent on drink ups, parties and unnecessary shopping. “As you grow, you yearn to hang around people that are real and sincere. For instance, it is fun meeting up and each of you is aware that they are to cater for their bills, not giving excuses that you’re not paid yet or don’t have money. When you’re a burden to others, they will not see a need of having you around,” she says. Tumusiime is of the view that as you grow, you find it normal to meet new friends often, especially at gatherings and surprisingly, such friends can provide new ideas that can save your marriage, help grow your business, offer tips on parenting, and so forth. For Moses Mugisha, a stylist in Kigali, sometimes its because you need some different energy and vibe, since the things that connected you to your friends shifted, you need a craving for a new kind of energy, or want to hang out with people who do the same kind of things as you do. He adds that some friendships are one-sided, with one person reaching out and making an effort to text, call or just check in to know how you are while the other doesn’t. At some point, this person will feel that they’re the only one holding up the friendship, thus losing interest in it. “You can also outgrow a friendship when it’s negative. There are people that will always complain about everything. You wouldn’t enjoy such company all the time, especially when you need a solution or are stressed,” he says. Mugisha also points out that if you disagree on almost everything, like human rights, religion, among other personal values, then it’s a turnoff because arguments will kick in. But also, whenever issues between you two are not resolved, they push forward and this can affect the friendship in the long run. He also stresses that some friendships are not healthy as they hold you back. For example, the people that don’t believe you can do something and excel—those that don’t think you can yield to anything great on your own. For him, everyone needs friends that push them forward, encouraging them to go for that job, apply for that course, and other life achievements. For Kelly Rose, a resident of Gikondo, Kigali and a mother of one, different stages of life split friendships, for example, if you quit alcohol, you wouldn’t want to hang around the bar if your friends spend most of their evenings in bars. Also, imagine being happily married but your friend is nursing a heartbreak or divorce or you got a promotion at work with a bigger salary but your friend has failed to get a job for five years. For her, when you’re not on the same page, the friendship drifts apart because even when you talk, there is nothing much to discuss. “You can’t discuss your triumphs in front of a person that is dealing with pain and loss.”
