Rihanna’s big deal bag

A woman went shopping in a UK supermarket, where plastic bags are not banned, but are discouraged. In Britain they prefer that you get reusable shopping bags. Which is what this woman did. It is a sensational big deal. Why? Let me explain.

The woman is Rihanna. Born with three names: Robin Rihanna Fenty, but needs only one. She has become so famous that every other Rihanna in the world has to explain themselves. “My name is, Rihanna. Not the singer. Har har.” And then you have to pretend to laugh along as if it is funny.

But very little else about Rihanna is irritating, as she is almost unanimously the most important millennial alive. 

Among her vast accomplishments are: Singing several very enjoyable pop songs. For the past 14 years she has been dishing them out. Just belting out tunes and melodies that cause muscles in the lower rear quadrant of bodies across the globe to shift left and right.

Work work work, work, work…

After reading those words, most humans will find themselves humming the tune absently to themselves up to four hours later.

This, in spite of the fact that no one even knows the actual lyrics after that part.

Then there are the movies. Rihanna is also an actor. This is an oft-ignored aspect of her repertoire, because, well, she’s not really been in anything good. She tends to appear in the kind of movie that, and I’m trying to be charitable here, is not as fun as her songs.

She was in Valerian: City of a Thousand Planets. Please do not ever watch that movie. Not unless someone is being held at gunpoint and there is no ninja to aid an alternative resolution.

And I will not allow you to watch Battleship unless you are ready to promise that you will personally cure world hunger.

Her latest movie, Guava Island, I have not watched, so I don’t know if it is awful. I have postponed watching it until after this article is written in case it is and amazing, film. Because if it is I will have to delete three paragraphs that you already enjoyed reading.

She’s not a bad actor, she just acts in bad movies. A lot of good actors have done bad movies. Not a lot have done as many bad movies as Rihanna, but well, it’s impossible to say something bad about Rihanna. She’s perfect.

Let me demonstrate what happens when you try to say something negative about Rihanna. Watch.

Rihanna has a large forehead, what is sometimes calibrated upwards as an eight head. The result of this extra facial space is that she is even more beautiful because there is more acreage for her beauty to practice. See?

She is a fashion… a fashion… none of the usual words are sufficient: mogul, maven, ista, icon. She is not even just a fashion thing. She is most of the most compelling things about fashion. It is suspected that the resurgence in the use of baggy factory faded overalls with only one working strap is all thanks to her wearing such an outfit on a movie set.

Rihanna commonly takes red carpets and makes them have her money and pay her what they owe. She is that glamorous.

And now, let us move on to the next player in this story, Sainsbury. Sainsbury is a shopkeeper who deals in sugar, apples, shoes, TVs, cutlery and other consumer goods. He, she or them has a chain of supermarkets in Britain through which they dispose of their merchandise.

Britain has not banned the use of plastic bags by its people. Britain is a backward nation. What they do instead is that they charge customers a tiny little fee for each plastic bag. They do, however, urge you to buy a biodegradable, reusable bags that cost a small fee. 50p, according to my research team. I asked them to render that in Francs and they tell me it is roughly Rwf600.

Rihanna, the superstar singer, fashion phenomenon and all round entertainer has a robust social media following and her Instagram page in particular is heavily attended to. She is like, one would say, Kylie Jenner, but with talents.

On this Instagram account she recently posted a video of herself showing off a new dress. It was a very cute garment. But the fans quickly noticed the background, a Sainsbury’s 50p bag.

The concept of rich and famous people doing the same things human beings do, such as shopping in supermarkets and saving money with reusable shopping bags has shocked and bemused and startled and astounded the showbiz news.  To be fair, it should not be that surprising that Rihanna is cool.

She frequently does that sort of down to earth thing.  What we should be debating and discussing is how one of the biggest pop stars on the planet went to a supermarket, got a reusable bag, which suggests that she intends to go there again, and no one saw Rihanna at Sainsbury’s?

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