Although parenting is considered one of the toughest jobs in the world, building trust is essential to your success as a parent. Recently, I found an interesting YouTube video of a life coach, Manuela Mulondo that highlights why every parent should make an effort to win their children’s trust. The life coach notes that parents lose this trust the moment they start lying to their little ones about little things, like, if they lose their teeth, the rat will take the tooth and give them money in return or Santa Claus is a person that awards them with gifts during the festive season- a thing she says is wrong and just keeps children naïve. She also says that if your child goes through a phase where he or she feels like opening up to someone else, it’s obvious that their trust is lacking. “I want to win my children’s trust now, so that when I am old and weary, I can count on them as true friends because many people lose friendships as they age, a thing that keeps them lonely”, Mulondo states. But also, when children find you trustworthy, they grow into trustworthy adults, she adds. She says children need to be given options to make decisions so that they see the consequences of their decisions and then give you the chance to discuss the emotions they have gone through. The life coach stresses that parents should own their mistakes and say sorry while in the wrong so that their children can learn from them and also admit it when they make a mistake. She urges parents to stop making empty promises and keep their communications lines active anytime and be consistent. Research shows that a secure attachment is the best possible foundation for healthy development. A healthy connection between parent and child is essential for proper growth and leads to better emotional health, better childhood and adult relationships, less anxiety, increased empathy, greater creativity, and a better ability to cope with the difficulties of life. According to Motherly, a parenting website, when a child feels assured that their caregiver will meet their needs, their brain is ready to learn. They are then free to explore their world. However, without trust and a secure attachment, learning is hindered because the focus is on getting their primary needs met. “Letting them know that you have faith in their choices and abilities will boost self-esteem and build trust between you. This is a stage in which showing that you trust your child helps them to have more trust in you. But also respect their feelings and opinions and try not to downplay their concerns.” According to Christine Mutesi, a mother of three, trust is a process that requires building as early as possible, mostly with emotions. She says that when parents are honest about their own emotions and shortcomings; they open the way for communication with their children, thus building a foundation for trust. For her, parenting a teenager is a bit tricky because as children grow and start becoming more independent, they require privacy and if a parent is not willing to have a clear conversation with them on trust, they might fear opening up. She carries on that it might be a hard stage of parenting because that’s when they feel grown and are entitled to some little freedom to do what they want without questioning them always. But in such circumstances, the solution would be staying in a part of their lives by forming a trusting relationship. According to Mutesi, trust is a gradual process that requires mutual commitment and it will certainly strengthen your relationship. However, trust can be breached if your child starts to push boundaries to test their independence. She points out that parents also ought to preach what they do to make sure it’s reflected in their actions, and talk to their children about the importance of honesty and trust. She also points out that one way to build trust with your child is to listen to them when they have something to say. This doesn’t matter what you are doing, maintain eye contact and show a genuine interest in what they’re communicating with you. Listening to a child means recognising their words and seeking to understand their underlying message. “In scenarios where your child repeatedly breaks your trust showing no signs of remorse, or if they show self-destructive behaviour, it might be time to seek help from a professional such as a counsellor or psychologist,” Mutesi adds.
