In this era, and with everything that’s been introduced to the world, you’d think people would be used to the idea of couples with a significant age gap. However, couples with a large age gap often raise eyebrows. Many celebrities know a thing or two about this—like Priyanka Chopra who is 11 years Nick Jonas’ senior, or George Clooney and Amal Alamuddin’s 17-year gap, and even Michael Douglas who is 25 years older than his wife Catherine Zeta-Jones, to mention a few. When it comes to relationships, many will say they prefer someone their own age, or perhaps slightly older or younger, but some are open to someone 10-15 years (and more) their junior or senior. A popular view is that couples with a significant age gap have more difficulty making the relationship work. “It is rare for couples to think of age as a factor of compatibility. Modest age differences, especially when men are older, tend not to preoccupy couples as they develop their relationship,” says Marie Rose Musanabera, a mother of three living in Rubavu District. In Rwanda, it is rare to see a young woman married to or dating a significantly older man, and vice versa, but it happens. For example, Evariste Kwizera was 21 and Clotilde Mukaperezida was 48 when they got married. Their marriage stirred debate on what the appropriate age gap is in a relationship. “I don’t consider age gap an issue in a romantic relationship. Love is all that matters, and age is just a number. In my 20s, I don’t see what the fuss about dating a man in his 50s is, as long as he is in love with me,” says 23-year-old Anny Kamikazi. “Dating a girl I am older than is better, as it would be frowned upon to date a woman my mother’s age. When taking into consideration a person’s behaviour before dating, I also consider age,” Arnold Ngoga says. “Age has nothing to do with a relationship’s success or failure. When it was time to introduce my boyfriend (now husband) to my friends, I was nervous because I knew what their reaction would be. My question is, who said that age matters in a relationship? I am living proof. My husband is 15 years older than me,” says Aime Cindy Kabatesi, a mother of two. So does age matter? And do couples with large age gaps experience poorer (or better) relationship outcomes compared to couples of similar ages? According to Musanabera, in any relationship, what matters is commitment and love, and a peace of mind, age shouldn’t be an issue. “Growing up, it was shameful for a Rwandan guy to fall for, and be in a relationship with, an older woman. We are now getting used to different cultures and trends,” Musanabera says. Ngoga says, “It sometimes works out, but not always. As Rwandans, we are getting accustomed to different cultures, and we need to understand other people’s choices.” He adds that whereas ‘love conquers all’ it takes a lot more than that to make the relationship thrive. “In a long term relationship, commitment means being willing to work on difficulties together, planning for the future together and clarifying and protecting the boundaries you’ve agreed on,” the article ‘The top 5 skills for a happy relationship’ states.
