How to move forward after a setback

A setback could be loss of a loved one but how someone chooses to use that energy, is entirely up to them.

“I met my husband about five years back, we dated for about a year and got married. To be sincere, his money attracted me to him. Well, after marriage, we moved into our new house. I drove all the expensive cars I ever dreamed of and lived a fancy life.

With time, my husband quit his job and started his own company where I joined him as the finance manager. To my disappointment, this joy was short-lived. In about two years, the company collapsed and we started paying debts.

We went back to zero, we even had to sell our house to pay back some of the debts. Everything turned upside down, a financial crisis hit us yet we were jobless. I personally went crazy, I couldn’t figure out a life without a car, savings and pleasure. All in all, we managed to pass through it, although it wasn’t easy, however, it taught me to lower my expectations in people,” says Claudine Uwamahoro, a setback victim.

Many people if not everyone, have experienced setbacks, even those that are so successful. A setback keeps someone in one place and stops them from achieving their goals at an estimated time. It is something that happens and delays or prevents a process from developing.

It could be loss of a loved one, failure to acquire a political position, miscarriage, it might be missing out on a school vacancy due to poor grades, an emergency that takes all your little bank savings, job termination and much more.

John Nkurunziza, an engineer explains, there are three kinds of setbacks and one of them is the financial setbacks, these come in all kinds, for instance; accidents, additional loan discounts that compile due to the loan one failed to pay in time. No matter what the financial setback is, one has to figure out how to budget going forward, cut excess expenses, and create a plan to minimise the chances of another financial setback.

He adds, the next one is the spiritual setback, sin hinders believers to achieve their spiritual goal. That is why Christians should recognize the symptoms of spiritual weakness and take steps to correct matters through engaging in spiritual warfare and putting on the helmet of salvation.

Roy Bennett, the Author of “The Light in The Heart,” among other books, is quoted to have said, “When you start living the life of your dreams, there will always be obstacles, doubters, mistakes and setbacks along the way. But with hard work, perseverance and self-belief there is no limit to what you can achieve.”

“The last type is the social setback, is it an issue with your friends? Does your husband need a divorce? Is your child diagnosed of an incurable disease, every setback is a setup for a comeback, learn from your mistakes and turn up stronger,” Nkurunziza stresses.

Nkurunziza explains, any setback should make one keep motivated and develop the energy like never before. How someone construes and chooses to use that energy, is entirely up to them but they must learn from their experience.

Ritah Uwera, a business woman in Kimironko notes, she has experienced many setbacks, but she has managed to be honest to herself.

She further says, there could be regrets, guilt, but the most interesting part is to make plans, and find ways to force yourself to go through with them.

According to Winfred Dusabe Kabayiza, a resident of Kabeza, setbacks happen at a time they are least expected, thus leaving a person depressed, sad and at times embarrassed among their friends, family members and society.

However, whenever someone ever finds themselves in a setback, the best way to get out of it is to be free and talk about it, as this will relieve you. What kills people sometimes is keeping much pain to themselves.

Uwera urges those that might find themselves in such situations that loss of motivation might hinder their efforts to move on after a loss or a delay, which is advisable to avoid blaming themselves, and stay away from distractions.

She states, when a setback happens, one shouldn’t be lost in denial but accept reality, it is very okay to be puzzled, angry, cry, lament, let out emotions but then, give yourself time to mend and heal.

“I have personally noticed that if anyone lacks trust in people, they can probably face the mirror and uplift themselves for whatever that has happened to them, this heals psychologically,” Kabayiza says.

Pastor Hassan Kibirango, from Christian Life Assembly, Nyarutarama, says, “A setback is part of life. It hits us at unexpected times and we are left to either collapse as a result or to move on. In order to move on from any setback, you need to be anchored on an unchanging truth.”

He adds, in the Christian context, our Lord encourages us and says that in this world we will have trouble but we should not be dismayed because he has overcome the world.

Kibirango explains, how Christians deal with setback is to trust in God because he holds us through moments of crisis and gives us courage to go through tough times with peace of mind, which he says he witnessed numerous times.

Kabayiza enlightens, when one confides in someone, they can probably pray together, encourage them, and plan on how to go about it. If it is a job this person has lost, she can be heartened to apply for other jobs, or start up his own business from scratch through small savings.

For Kibirango, often people who have a relationship with God usually deal with setbacks differently, unlike those that don’t know God, as they don’t take trials and setbacks too well.

He adds, such people take a lot of hit when bad tough times come their way, this is due to trusting in their own strength, wisdom, money or connections to get them out of the fix, when none of those things fail to workout, many get into depression and some resign out of life.

Nkurunziza advises: “Stay positive regardless of the situation, reflect what your next and final destinations could be in light of what has happened, and keep your eyes focused on where you want to end up.”

“However, someone must stay open and willing to consider new things. This could require a person to set aside the destructive emotions and thoughts, set out of the comfort zone, as these can destroy their ability to listen or identify potential, he says.

When making future decisions, Kabayiza emphasizes that we ought to think about the likely obstacles that will occur and plan for them, especially how to cope with those difficulties, however, if the reason one failed was due to lack of knowledge and skills, they can take a course to gain more skills.

editor@newtimesrwanda.com

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