He isn’t bad, he just doesn’t love you

AFacebook page will have a relationship query from an anonymous woman saying that her boyfriend of two years has taken a turn for the worse.

He doesn’t call, he rarely gives her time and he actively pursues other women. What should she do? Scorned women will come blazing, saying that he is behaving poorly because he is a man and men are trash.

I think this completely untrue. Even men who are generally considered to be the worst people to have walked the face of the earth are completely capable of being good to the people they love.

They can be loving fathers, romantic husbands, great siblings and sons. I remember being stunned while watching an interview during which one of the wives of a notorious warlord described him as a good husband who bought gifts for his wives and hugged his children.

I came to the realization that if someone doesn’t treat you right, it’s not because he is bad. It’s because he doesn’t love you.

The greatest evidence of love is giving time. It doesn’t matter if he is the president of the world. He will make time to show up for you. And if he can’t show up, there is a plethora of communication methods. So he will call.

And if he can’t call, he will send a message. There are twenty-fours in a day. If he can’t find a minute to get in touch, it’s not because he is forgetful or neglectful. It’s because he doesn’t love you.

If he is actively pursuing other women, do not fool yourself into thinking that it’s because all men cheat. Love and cheating do not go together. A man in love will protect the relationship from all threats.

He will stand up to his mother if she says anything negative. He will blow off Priyanka Chopra (a very beautiful woman) if she tries to make a move on him. He will have eyes only for you.

And when he has eyes only for you, it won’t matter if you blow up or shrink down. He will love you and want you in all shapes and forms. You won’t have to try too hard to be a ‘good relationship woman’ to get him to stay.

You could be hotheaded and he would find that very quality endearing. So if he tells you that you must have long hair or a wasp waist to stay attractive to him, it’s not because all men are superficial. It’s because he has no interest in you beyond the physical.

Are his acts of generosity towards you few and far between? He is not stingy. He just doesn’t love you. Men in love give.

They provide. They sacrifice. So if you have to nag your voice hoarse before he lifts a finger or if he is comfortable taking more than he is willing to give, you’re not in his heart.

Knowing this, you have two choices; to stay and take crumbs or to love yourself enough to leave.

 

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